


radiant

by anendtoallthings



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Changbin has a little problem, Comfort, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Insecurity, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Mutual Masturbation, Porn with Feelings, Slow Burn, but Seungmin loves him anyway, really this is so sweet I can't believe it's porn, seungbin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:36:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23009704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anendtoallthings/pseuds/anendtoallthings
Summary: Seungmin comes back from a year abroad a different person. Radiant.And Changbin has absolutely no idea how to handle it.(porn, except it's true love)
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin
Comments: 43
Kudos: 516





	radiant

**Author's Note:**

> wow! I drop off the face of the planet for three months and come back with a 24k seungbin.

_ BEEP BEEP BEEP— _

"Fuck," Changbin muttered, chucking the tissue in the vague direction of his trash can. He snapped the waistband of his sweatpants back in place and leaned over the side of his bed, rummaging around in his pile of discarded clothing to find his phone. The Skype ringtone could only mean one thing. He swiped his thumb across the screen and accepted the incoming call. 

"Hey!" Seungmin's face filled his phone screen. His best friend's hair was lighter than it had been last time they'd talked, and the room behind him was unusually bare. 

"Hey yourself," Changbin said, his voice low and gravelly. He hoped Seungmin couldn't tell how heavily he was breathing. 

Seungmin squinted at him. "Why is your room so dark? And why are you shirtless?"

"Why do you ask so many questions?"

"You were jerking off."

"Seungmin, I _ will _end this call right now and leave your ass at the airport tomorrow, so help me God—"

Laughter bubbled up through the tinny phone speakers, and Changbin couldn't help but smile. Seungmin had that effect on him. He always had, ever since they were kids. 

"I can't believe it's tomorrow," he said, when Seungmin's laughter calmed down. 

His friend shook his head in disbelief. "Same. It's been so long." A pause—

"...I miss you so much."

Changbin's throat tightened. This past year had been… hard. For _ both _ of them.

He had known Seungmin Kim since the other boy was born. Changbin used to hate him— the loud, crying mess of a baby that lived next door to him in their thin-walled apartment; then the toddler that came over for forced playdates, getting his sticky hands all over Changbin's new toys and his cookie crumbs all over Changbin's bed. But as time went on that hate faded quietly into acceptance and then— at some point— friendship; in that easy, uncomplicated way that only children really understand. And after that, they were inseparable.

Their families even moved to the States together, when their fathers' mutual company opened a new branch in California. They navigated unfamiliar school hallways and shopping mall food courts together, everything around them constantly changing but the two of them staying the same. 

Until Seungmin got accepted into a prestigious one-year mathematics program— in _ Australia. _

It was stupid, but Changbin felt like he'd been dumped. Never in his life had he ever been _ alone. _ He had other friends, of course, but it just wasn't the same. Seungmin was his other half, and it was hard to adjust to life without him. (And if Changbin had turned to… _ other _methods of filling the emptiness inside of him, nobody had to know.)

"I miss you too, Minnie." Changbin cleared his throat. "Everything still okay with your flight?"

Seungmin nodded. "I shipped all my stuff home yesterday. Chan and Felix are gonna drop me off at the airport tonight!"

Chan and Felix were two Korean-Australian students Seungmin met at his university in Sydney. He talked about them all the time, and honestly Changbin was just a _ tiny _ bit jealous. He was happy that his friend wasn't lonely, of course, but Seungmin was obviously platonically head over heels for them. Changbin couldn't help feeling a little like he was being replaced. 

But not anymore. Seungmin was coming home. _ Tomorrow. _

"I can't wait to SEE YOU AGAIN!" Changbin shouted the last few words, laughing when Seungmin winced and covered his ears. 

"You're so obnoxious." 

"You love me anyway."

"What, do I? No way. Who could ever love a pig-bunny like you?"

"I swear to _ fuck, _what did I say about leaving you at the airport—"

They talked for almost an hour before Seungmin had to get ready to leave, and when they said goodbye, Changbin's heart was lighter than it had been all year. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"WELCOME HOME!"

Before the tall, golden-haired young man could even fully round the barricade that separated international arrivals from the rest of the airport, he was ambushed. 

Changbin threw his arms around Seungmin's neck and squealed, unable to stop himself from jumping up and down. Hyunjin put his arms around both of them at the same time, and Jeongin slipped behind them to wrap his arms around Seungmin in a bone-crushing backhug (their maknae was _ strong) _ . They were all talking over one another, shouting _ hi _ 's and _ I missed you _'s over and over again until their voices blended into one. 

Finally Hyunjin pulled away, followed by Jeongin. Changbin stayed where he was, clinging to Seungmin's tall form— _ (did he get taller?!) _— unwilling to let go. 

"Guys," Seungmin laughed, adjusting his backpack so he could put his arms around Changbin a little more comfortably. He looked happy. Radiant. More than Changbin remembered. "You two said you couldn't make it to pick me up!"

"We wanted to surprise you!"

"The look on your face, hyung—"

"It was Changbin's idea!"

Seungmin beamed down at Changbin. _ He definitely got taller. _ The thought only made him a _ little _grumpy, but Seungmin's smile washed the feeling away. "You little sneak," Seungmin said, but then his grin widened even more. Changbin thought he might have seen the glimmer of a tear in the taller boy's eye. "Thank you."

"Shut up," Changbin mumbled, hiding his blush in Seungmin's shirt. He breathed in deeply. The fabric smelled like airplanes and sweat and unfamiliar detergent, but… Changbin could still detect just a little bit of _ home. _

A year is a long time. Long enough for people to grow up, grow apart— to change into the people they're going to be for the rest of their lives.

But the person smiling down at him right now didn't seem any different. He seemed like Changbin's best friend. And Changbin was so fucking happy to see him again. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Wow, nothing has changed," Seungmin said, his voice tired. He set his backpack down neatly next to his two small suitcases by the door and looked around, hands on his hips. The others had spent the whole weekend cleaning the apartment they all shared, excited for their fourth piece to settle back into the puzzle of their lives. 

"Your room is just like you left it, hyung," Jeongin said. "I moved all my stuff out." 

Seungmin threw his arms around Jeongin, tackling him to the couch. "I feel like I'm kicking you out," he said, a little puppy-like frown on his face. He pouted as Jeongin shoved him away. 

"It's okay," Jeongin said. His eyes flitted over to Hyunjin, who was watching the two youngest with a fond look on his face. "I'll be okay in Hyunjin's room," he said, his voice uncharacteristically shy. Hyunjin beamed back at him.

Seungmin looked between them, eyes narrowing and then finally opening wide when he realized. "No," he said in mock-horror. He slapped a hand to his mouth. "Don't tell me. It finally happened?"

"No!" Hyunjin and Jeongin exclaimed in unison. 

"We're not—"

"It's not like that—"

"They're still _ 'just friends,'" _Changbin said dryly, making air quotes with his fingers and rolling his eyes. "Friends that keep making out whenever they get wasted and then pretending like they don't remember the next day."

_ "Hey!" _

"Hyunnnng, shut _ up—" _

Seungmin silenced them all by bursting out into laughter and gathering them up into a group hug. "I missed you guys so fucking much. It's so good to be home."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Let us know if you need anything!” 

Jeongin and Hyunjin waved from the doorway to their now-shared room before pulling the door closed. Seungmin and Changbin instantly looked at each other and raised their eyebrows, bursting out into laughter. 

“I can’t believe they’re still pretending they’re not head over heels for each other.”

“I know! I really thought that I’d come back and they’d either be dating or over it. But they’re still really in the same place they were when I left. Amazing.” Seungmin shook his head.

“Not _ exactly _ the same place,” Changbin said. “Like I said, they’ve made out a couple of times. But it’s like they’re both too shy to confront each other.”

“Well, it’s gonna be hard to avoid now if they’re rooming together.”

Changbin puffed out his cheeks. “Yeah. I didn’t really think that was a good idea. I offered to share the room with Hyunjin and let Innie have mine, but—” Suddenly Changbin realized what he was about to say and shut up. His face went hot. _ Why am I so embarrassed? _

He kind of knew the answer, even if he didn't want to admit it to himself.

Before Seungmin left, Changbin was… not exactly in the closet, but definitely not _ out. _He'd had a bad experience with a guy in high school and decided to stay away from dating for a while. Plus, he had Seungmin. They were glued together at the hip, and Changbin honestly felt like he didn't really need anyone else. 

But after… Changbin's life just felt _ empty. _

He still had Hyunjin and Jeongin. And they were great, really. They pampered him and babied him the first few weeks, both of them knowing how much attention he craved. But it wasn't the same. Hyunjin and Jeongin were each other's best friends, just like Changbin and Seungmin. As hard as they tried to include him, it just wasn't the same.

And it wasn't like he wanted _ new _friends. He was perfectly content waiting for Seungmin to come back into his life. In the meantime, though… 

He discovered Tinder, and it was addicting. 

Changbin was attractive. He knew that, even if he didn't believe it sometimes. So he had no problems matching with people… a _ lot _of people. 

He mentioned to Seungmin during one of their (probably) hundreds of Skype calls that he'd started seeing people here and there. But the relationships never really worked out past a few dates, and Changbin wasn't about to tell his best friend: 'Oh, yeah, I'm not really into him but he's hot so I gave him a handy and I'll probably do it again tomorrow.'

So… yeah. Seungmin didn't exactly know about his hook ups. 

“But what?” 

“N-n-nothing,” Changbin stuttered. He shifted around, starting to get to his feet. “Anyway! I'm sure you're tired. I'll, uh, let you get some rest."

Seungmin pouted and caught Changbin's sleeve. "Seriously? I haven't seen you in a whole _ year _ and you're running away from me already?"

_ He's right. _

Changbin didn't know why he was so on edge. This was the person he was most comfortable with in the entire world. But ever since they'd walked in the door, Changbin felt like something was _ different. _

With a steady hand, he reached out and brushed Seungmin's bangs out of the other boy's face. Seungmin never used to style his hair, but when he stepped off the plane today his bangs were swept to the side. It was such a tiny change, but it made a huge difference. 

And that was when Changbin realized what it was. Earlier at the airport, Changbin was so excited to see his friend in person again that he assumed Seungmin looked the same. A little taller, and with lighter hair, but still the same. But after some time— especially up close like this— he was seeing all the little things that had changed. Seungmin's soft, childish cheeks had sharpened to something lovely and defined, and his nose, which was once just a _ tiny _bit large for his face, now complemented his other features perfectly. 

"You look different now," he said softly. 

Seungmin just smiled and leaned into Changbin's touch. "You mean I got hot?"

Changbin scowled. "You've always been hot, stupid." He pulled his hand away. "I think… you grew up."

His friend's face changed then, and Seungmin fixed Changbin with an unreadable gaze. The look gave Changbin chills. 

"You did, too," Seungmin said quietly.

As quickly as it began, the strange moment passed, and Seungmin pulled Changbin down into his lap. Changbin squealed, laughing and protesting at the same time, and just like that they were back to where they started. Like nothing had changed. 

They spent the next four hours together, unpacking Seungmin's stuff until midnight. The whole time, mindless chatter fell easily from their lips and the smiles never left their faces, and it was like the past year had never even happened. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was good, having his best friend back. 

Changbin had gotten used to eating alone. To _ being _ alone. Even when he was with Hyunjin and Jeongin, he still felt like he was alone. They were a pair, like a planet and its moon, and he was just a misplaced chunk of rock caught up in their orbit. 

But not anymore.

Now he had his best friend back, and it was like the sun had come back into his life. Wherever he went, Seungmin was there, his smile lighting up the room. Lighting up Changbin's life. And everything that had once been dull and flat was now full of color again, all because of Seungmin.

And if Changbin caught himself staring a little more than he used to— he just chalked it up to Seungmin's new-found radiance. Something about the Australian sun had turned Seungmin from a goofy, awkward teenager into someone confident and sure— someone who sparkled when he smiled and whose gaze was so captivating Changbin couldn't look away. 

That's all it was. Changbin convinced himself of this, and moved on. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Oh, I think I hear him! Hold on—" 

Seungmin poked his head out of his bedroom door as Changbin walked in, a big grin on his face. "Binnie! Do you wanna come say hi to Chan and Felix?"

Changbin had to stop his face from curling into a frown. It wasn't that he _ disliked _ Chan and Felix. He just… wasn't wild about them. Some small, dark voice in his head spat out the word _ jealous _, but Changbin ignored it. "Sure!" he said, making his tone fake-bright and hoping Seungmin wouldn't notice. He dropped his stuff on the couch and headed to Seungmin's room.

Two pixelated faces were waving excitedly from Seungmin's large monitor. 

"Is that him?" One of them said, in a thick Australian accent. 

The other one— taller than the first but somehow seeming smaller— started waving so fast the stream couldn't keep up and his hands became a blur. "Changbin! Wow, we've heard so much about you! Hi!"

Changbin plastered a smile on his face and sat down right on Seungmin's lap. If the two Australians were surprised, they didn't show it. "Hi," he said.

"Wow, he _ is _buff," the small one said. "You weren't kidding, Minnie."

Changbin felt a twinge of possessiveness. Minnie was _ his _ nickname for Seungmin. He'd never heard anybody else use it before, and now that he had, he hated it. The comment about him being buff slipped completely past him. 

Seungmin squirmed beneath him. "Felix, he's _ right here. _Shut up."

The other two laughed. "It's good to finally see your face," the first one— he must be Chan, if the smaller one was Felix— said. "After hanging out with Seungmin all year, I feel like I already know you."

"We want our puppy back!" Felix whined, and Changbin's temper instantly flared. His arms flew up around Seungmin's neck, and he hugged the other boy possessively close. "Sorry, you can't have him," he said flatly. "He's mine."

"Wh— hey—" Seungmin sputtered. "_ Changbin—" _

And just like that, Changbin was lost. Anger and jealousy were running white-hot all throughout his body, and at the same time he realized Seungmin was probably annoyed at him for behaving so childishly in front of his other friends. But even though Changbin recognized all of that, he couldn't fucking stop himself. _ He's probably embarrassed of me, acting like a spoiled brat in front of his new friends. _He knew he should smile and brush it off. Knew he should play nice, for Seungmin's sake. 

But he couldn't.

He stood up abruptly. "Sorry, I have to go," he said through clenched teeth. He gave a short, clipped wave at the screen, then mumbled a hushed _ bye _ and bolted from the room.

_ Changbin Seo, _ he told himself, after he'd slammed the door to his own room and flopped down face-first onto the bed, _ you are a real piece of shit. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The professor was in the middle of a long-winded explanation of international trade sanctions, but Changbin had long stopped paying attention. Instead, he was focused on the student sitting two rows in front of him in the lecture hall.

The blue-haired boy was leaning back in his chair, balancing a pen on his full lips and playing the Google dinosaur game with one hand on his laptop. He had a crazy long streak, and Changbin was low-key impressed. 

His name was Daniel Choi, and they'd been in a group project together last semester. Changbin had been his usual friendly self, and when he noticed the other boy blushing at Changbin's casual touches, he looked him up on social media, curious. He'd been both pleased and then mildly disappointed to see photos of Choi with some dark-haired, dimple-faced sophomore who was obviously his boyfriend. 

Lucky for Changbin, the two of them had recently broken up. Rebounds were his favorite.

The bell rang to signal the end of classes and the entire lecture hall started buzzing with movement, everyone ignoring the poor professor at the front of the room. 

"Hey! Choi!"

The blue-haired boy paused, looking around for the source of his name. When he saw Changbin waving, he smiled. 

"Seo!" he said casually. "What's up?"

Changbin shouldered his backpack. "Not much. Boring lecture, right?" He started walking, making sure Choi fell into step beside him. _ Target secured. _He smirked to himself.

"Ugh, for real. Remind me why I'm in this class again?"

"Because you're obviously a masochist and you love suffering." Changbin said it casually, but he didn't miss the way the other boy nearly stumbled on the next stair. 

A nervous giggle escaped Choi's lips. "Maybe I am." The words sounded playful, but Changbin cast a glance back to meet Choi's eyes, his gaze steady and dark. He knew what he looked like right now— for all his smile and cutesy charm, Changbin could throw the most smoldering look when he tried. And he was certainly fucking trying right now. 

"Hey, are you doing anything now? Wanna come back to my place and go over notes for the quiz next week?"

Changbin didn't need to go over the notes. He easily managed a low A average in his classes without much studying, and Daniel Choi, he knew, was an all-around A+ student. But the invitation was _ not _ for studying, and he hoped his look made it clear what he was looking for. 

"Um… yeah." Choi cleared his throat. "Sure. You live far?"

"I have an apartment on Meadows. Fifteen minute walk, tops."

The other boy fell into step beside Changbin, a grin taking over his face. "Yeah? I could use some exercise."

"Me, too."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"—won't this thing freaking _ connect _— Hey! Changbin? Is that you?"

Changbin froze in the doorway, his— _ guest?— _freezing beside him. Seungmin rounded the corner with a tangle of wires in his hands and a big grin on his face. "Binnie, I can't get this stupid fire stick to— oh." 

Seungmin's eyes darted back and forth between Changbin and Daniel, his signature confused puppy look on his face. “I don’t think we’ve met,” he said politely.

“Uh, y-yeah,” Choi stuttered. “I’m…”

“This is Daniel,” Changbin cut in. “My friend from that really boring international econ class I told you about.”

“Oh. Yeah, I remember.” Seungmin was fiddling with the wires in his hands, and suddenly Changbin felt… _ guilty _. He didn’t like the feeling, and grabbed Choi’s hand.

“Yeah. So, uh, we’re gonna go study in my room.” He edged past Seungmin in the doorway, pulling the blue-haired boy behind him. “I’ll help you with the fire stick later, okay?”

“Oh— okay.”

Changbin refused to hear the disappointment in Seungmin’s voice. He refused to think of the sad look on his face, like a puppy that’s been scolded and left outside. _ It’s not like I’m doing anything wrong _ , he told himself, throwing open the door to his bedroom. _ What’s wrong with hooking up? _ He shut the door— a little more roughly than was probably necessary— and pushed Choi up against it, mouth on the other boy’s neck and hands tugging the backpack from Choi’s shoulders. _ Why do I feel so bad about this? _

“C-Changbin,” Choi panted. His hands rose weakly to Changbin’s shoulders. “I didn’t know…”

Changbin didn’t stop, just kept working at the other boy’s neck, intoxicated by the scent of his skin and the pulse underneath. “Didn’t know what?” he mumbled.

“I— _ ah— _ didn’t know you were— into this.” Choi was having trouble speaking. And standing, apparently, as his legs buckled and the taller boy had to catch himself against the door. “Shit, can we—”

“Yeah.” Changbin pulled away, finally, only to move Choi towards his bed. “Into what?” he went on, pulling the shirt over the other boy’s head. “Men? You?”

Choi watched as Changbin removed his own shirt, eyes lingering on Changbin’s chest. _Yeah,_ he thought with a surge of pride and arousal. _Look all you want._ _That’s what I work out for._ “Both, I guess,” Choi said dumbly. The tent in his pants was impressive, and Changbin licked his lips. 

“Surprise," he said.

The two of them laughed a little, barely more than puffs of air escaping through their nostrils, and Choi’s turned quickly to breathy moans as Changbin pushed him back against the bed and connected their lips together. 

After a few minutes, Choi pulled back. His face was flushed and his lips looked especially plump. “Um, sorry, but— don’t you think your roommate might hear us? I, uh… I get kind of loud,” he mumbled, looking away, clearly embarrassed. 

A tiny thrill ran through Changbin’s body. He loved it when they got loud. More to remember after they were gone. “No problem,” he said, pulling out his phone. A few taps on his phone later and a steady lofi beat started playing from the bluetooth speakers on his desk. “Better?”

Choi nodded, and Changbin couldn’t hold himself back any longer. He put his hands on the waist of the other boy’s jeans. “Can I take these off?”

“Fuck, yes. Please.” 

That night went the same as these nights always did. Changbin took what he wanted from the hot, pouty-lipped, blue-haired boy he’d lured into his bed, and when Choi tried to reciprocate, Changbin said the same thing as always. 

“Don’t worry about me,” he breathed, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and flopping down onto the bed. “I just wanna make _ you _ feel good.”

“But I don’t mind—”

“Choi.” Changbin kissed him, soft and quick. A shut-up kiss. “Daniel. I’m fine, really.”

And the other boy didn’t argue. They never do. 

They laid next to each other for a while, just catching their breath at first and then chatting casually. Or, as casually as they could while Choi’s dick leaked post-orgasm dribbles of jizz on Changbin’s sheets and Changbin tried to pretend he didn’t just want the other boy to leave so he could take care of his blue balls by himself. 

So, after a lull in the conversation, Changbin roused himself from the bed and started dressing. Choi got the hint and followed suit. 

When they were both dressed, Changbin walked over to his door. “Call me whenever,” he said, hand on the doorknob. “I’m always down.”

Choi blinked at him, his big, sleepy-looking eyes and pouty lips making him look like an overgrown kitten. “This is definitely not how I expected Econ to go when I woke up this morning.”

“I’m gonna take that as a compliment,” Changbin quipped, poking the other boy on his cheek. “Come on, I’ll walk you out.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


As soon as the door clicked shut, Changbin bit his lip. He said he would help Seungmin, but— the ache between his legs was deep and insistent, and the high-pitched whines of the blue-haired boy kept replaying in his mind, obscuring his thoughts of anything else. 

With one last glance at Seungmin's closed door, Changbin hurried back to his own room. He flicked off the lights and flopped into bed, waistband of his joggers pulled down before he even hit the mattress. 

His cock was soft but leaking, precome smeared all over the inside of his boxers. When he wrapped his fist around himself he let out a low moan, and his cock swelled to full hardness in his hand. He loved that feeling— on himself or others, he loved feeling that soft, yielding flesh fill out beneath his touch. 

He released his grip and trailed his fingertips along his shaft, dragging against the slightly sweat-sticky skin and making himself shiver. In his head, he replayed his classmate's moans. He remembered the way the other boy's heavy, full lips fell open when he was close and the sinful sounds that followed after. Choi must do some kind of sport or something, because his whole body was toned and lean. His thigh muscles had clenched around Changbin's shoulders, and the grip was so strong it was almost painful. 

Changbin stopped his gentle, teasing touches and finally pulled back his foreskin, exposing his red, swollen cockhead. It was sensitive right now, but he liked it that way. He liked stimulation that danced along the edge of _ too much _ ; he craved sensation so intense it almost hurt. He closed his erection in his fist and winced, but still thrusted up further into his own grip. A hiss escaped his lips. All of the tension he'd felt since he pushed Choi against the door was finally, _ finally _being released. 

He stroked himself slowly, grip tight, thinking of Choi's lips and his rough hands and the large vein that ran up the underside of his cock, and the smooth skin of his thighs, such a lovely pale color, but— maybe not quite as nice as Seungmin's—

Changbin's eyes flew open. 

_ What the fuck. _

Where had that even _ come _from? It wasn't like Seungmin even had nice skin, not really, it was kind of tan and he had a bunch of moles everywhere. The ones on his face were kind of cute, though. And every so often Changbin caught a glimpse of the one on Seungmin's upper thigh, dark and delicate and stand-outish on the normally hidden skin there. 

When Changbin realized that his hand had started moving again— that he was currently jerking himself off to thoughts of his best friend's skin— he let out a small yelp and pulled his hands away like he'd been burned.

_ Get it together, _he told himself. He was probably just thinking about Seungmin because he felt guilty about brushing him off. That's all. 

He took a deep breath, trying his best to clear his mind. _ Choi, _ he thought sternly. _ Lips. _It was insane how full the other boy's lips were. Changbin remembered how they felt against his own, soft and hot and plush, and all of the sweet sounds that had come out of them. He shifted his body and reached his free hand down to cup his sac, tugging gently and whimpering at the slight pulling sensation he could feel deep inside of him. Briefly he considered grabbing his lube so he could finger himself, but quickly decided it was too much work and just tightened his grip on his cock. It was hard and throbbing now, and every time his fist reached the base and pulled the foreskin almost all the way back, the tip of his cock peeked out, all shiny and slick with precome. He liked it; liked how he looked in his hand— a little small, but he thought his slim fingers with their rounded nails looked pretty wrapped around it. 

Seungmin didn't have nice nails— he bit and picked at them, and the skin around his nail beds was always rough. But his hands were large, and Changbin's cock would probably look so small in his fist—

A powerful thrill ran through Changbin's body at the thought, and he froze. Just a few moments ago he had been freaked out by the thought of Seungmin invading his brain while he was jerking off, but now his whole mind was hazy with arousal. And that _ image _ , the idea of Seungmin's hand around Changbin's little cock, it made him feel so fucking _ good— _

_ Come now, think later. _That's all his body was focused on. 

So he didn't stop the thoughts this time. Seungmin's big hands tugging on his cock, Seungmin's thin, pretty lips swallowing him up— and what Seungmin's cock must look like. Changbin let go of his ballsack and shoved his fingers in his mouth instead, fisting his erection with a desperate, erratic pace. He liked being filled.

He thought about Seungmin's cock filling up his mouth instead and came, body shaking and his best friend's name on his lips. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He stared up at the ceiling. 

The room smelled like come and sweat and Choi's cologne. Changbin's load was drying on his stomach, but he made no move to clean himself up. 

_ Fuck. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Minnie?” 

Ten minutes later, Changbin knocked gently on Seungmin’s closed door. “I can help you with the TV thing now.”

The door creaked open, just a bit, and Seungmin's face appeared in the sliver of space. He looked cross, and Changbin felt another sharp pang of guilt— but this time mixed with shame and embarrassment, his recent… _ activity _still fresh in his mind. He shifted on his feet, nervous.

Seungmin glared at him. "Wow, I thought you'd be too busy getting your dick wet all night to help me," he said dryly. 

Changbin sputtered. "I wasn't getting my dick wet!"

"No? That's what it sounded like." Seungmin raised his eyebrows. "He wasn't exactly quiet about it."

"Yeah, but _ I _didn't—" Changbin's mouth snapped shut when he realized what he was saying. "I mean, whatever. Do you need help or not?"

His friend's face softened, and a look of concern flitted momentarily over Seungmin's pretty features. "Binnie, are you still—?"

"I don't wanna talk about it," Changbin interrupted. His face was crimson now. In the year that Seungmin had been gone, Changbin had forgotten that the other boy knew about his… problem. He'd worked hard to convince Seungmin that he was over it a long time ago, but now he'd gone and put his foot in his mouth. _ Fuck. _It didn't help that every time Changbin looked at Seungmin, all he could think about was how he had moaned the other boy's name as he came, not even ten minutes ago. He felt his cheeks get hot. This was absolutely fucking mortifying. 

"Your TV probably doesn't have an HDMI port," Changbin mumbled. "You need an adapter. I think Jeongin has an extra." His mission complete, he turned away and started walking towards his room. 

"Changbin, wait—"

Changbin heard him. But he pretended like he didn't, and kept on walking. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Did you guys have a fight, or something?”

Hyunjin was gazing at him over their half-empty pizza box. Changbin scowled down at the slice in his hands, transferring all of his irritation to the greasy pepperoni and wilted slivers of onion. 

“What do you mean?” he asked flatly, stuffing the remainder of the slice in his mouth to give him time to answer whatever Hyunjin was about to throw at him.

“You and Seungmin. You’ve both been avoiding each other. It’s weird.”

Changbin chewed, still avoiding Hyunjin’s gaze. It was true, and he knew it. Since that night a few weeks ago, he and Seungmin had barely said more than ten words to each other. They both ran through a string of mundane excuses— studying, tired, group projects— but after a while there was only so much they could say before they were forced to interact. 

It’s not like Changbin _ wanted _ this. But every time he looked at Seungmin, memories of that night— coming to the thought of Seungmin’s hand wrapped around Changbin’s cock— clouded his vision and made him blush so hard he thought he might pass out. 

He thought he would get over it. He thought he would be able to push everything down and make himself forget; just pass it off as a one-time thing. That’s what he _ thought. _

It’s not what happened.

The feelings just got _ worse. _He couldn’t get Seungmin out of his head. 

If it was just a sexual thing— if he only thought of Seungmin while he jerked off— it wouldn’t have bothered him so much. Brains (and dicks) are weird, and Changbin was pretty sure he’d had fleeting fantasies about pretty much every hot guy he’d ever met, even Hyunjin and Jeongin. He was completely willing to live with that. 

The problem, though, was that it wasn’t just about sex.

Seungmin was so different now. Or, not really different— but the way that Changbin _ looked _ at him was different. When you see someone every single day they become fixed in time, never changing, never growing up. It was almost like there were two Seungmins: the one who had been Changbin’s best friend his entire life, and then the one who came back from Australia, a little taller and sharper and _ just _ new enough to open Changbin’s eyes. 

And what Changbin saw was someone beautiful.

Not just his face, although that was also a subtle and understated work of art. Seungmin as a _ person _ was just… 

Perfect.

Changbin talked a lot. A _ lot _ a lot. To the point where most people (even Hyunjin and Jeongin) tended to tune him out unless it was serious. But not Seungmin. Seungmin always listened to him, thoughtfully and earnestly, and he always knew just what Changbin needed to hear. He wasn’t afraid to tell Changbin to shut up, either, when Changbin was being petulant and whiny for no reason. And when Seungmin smiled, well— 

When Changbin noticed that his heart started fucking _ fluttering _ whenever Seungmin smiled, _ that’s _when he freaked out.

“I—” He stopped and cleared his throat. “I’m just having a hard time with him coming back,” he said after a moment. It was partially the truth, at least. “Neither of us are the same as we were before he left. It’s… hard.”

Hyunjin’s face softened. He was a sucker for any kind of emotion— just soaked it up, like a little emotional sponge. “Aww, Binnie. I had no idea. Why didn’t you tell us sooner?”

“I dunno. I’m kinda trying to avoid thinking about it, to be honest.” Now that the words were out of his mouth, Changbin realized it felt kind of good to talk about it. Hyunjin was always good at helping Changbin sort out his feelings. The giant knot inside his stomach that had been growing over the past few weeks felt just the slightest bit calmer already. 

“I get that, but you know it won’t help you in the long run,” Hyunjin said softly. “Have you tried talking to him about it?”

Changbin’s stomach clenched. Even the mere thought of facing Seungmin again made him anxious. “I don’t even know what I would say. And it’s been going on so long, I almost feel like… like I can’t go back, you know?”

“Aww, Binnie…” Hyunjin’s voice was sad. “I don’t know what to tell you. But you guys are so close… I’m sure Seungmin would understand, if you told him what’s bothering you.”

_ Yeah right, _ Changbin thought to himself. _ Sorry, Jinnie, but this is one time where you’re dead wrong. _

Seungmin would _ never _ understand. Not this.

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ 11:58... _

_ 11:59... _

_ "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" _

Their apartment erupted in cheers. Cheap beer spilled onto the wooden floor as glasses and cans clinked together, most of the owners already at varying levels of intoxication, and Changbin squeezed Jeongin tight. 

"Welcome to your twenties!" he yelled, ten times louder than normal. “Birthday shot!”

The room echoed him, chanting the words over and over as Changbin held a (slightly swaying) shot glass out to the birthday boy.

Jeongin rolled his eyes, but he took the small glass from Changbin anyway. Changbin’s whole body was warm and fuzzy-feeling, teetering just on the edge between comfortably tipsy and full-out drunk. Sober Changbin would have told himself he didn’t need another shot, but sober Changbin was not in the picture right now. _ Error, 404, page not found _. So he raised his own tiny glass, clinked it with Jeongin’s, and together they downed it.

The liquid hit his throat like fire, burning as he swallowed it and instantly spreading an uncomfortable warmth through his chest. Jeongin started coughing.

“Is this fucking _ Burnett’s?!” _ Jeongin sputtered, his face red. “You made me do a shot of Burnett’s on my birthday? You really _ don’t _ love me.”

  
“Jeong _ innnnn,” _Changbin whined, throwing his arms around the other boy. “It’s all we had in the freezer, don’t hate me.”

Jeongin opened his mouth to whine back at him, but then Hyunjin appeared beside them, encircling Jeongin's waist and pulling him backwards. Both of them were already unsteady on their feet.

"Happy birthday, baby," he said, his voice probably supposed to be a whisper but sounding more like a quiet shout as he placed a bold kiss on Jeongin's cheek. 

Jeongin's face was shocked for a moment, a vivid blush coloring his cheeks, but then he scowled. "Don't call me baby."

"Why? You're our baby!"

"I don't wanna be a baby! I'm twenty!"

Changbin pulled away and left his two friends to their drunken flirting. This always happened when they drank. Usually he thought it was cute, but tonight it just made him feel… sad. He made his way back to the kitchen, the trip somehow twice as difficult as when he’d walked out with Jeongin’s shot. His legs didn’t seem to want to cooperate with the rest of his body. “Fuck,” he grumbled, stopping to lean against the wall for a moment. At least the room wasn’t spinning— not yet. 

Their usually tidy kitchen was a mess. Glasses and bottles cluttered the counters, and the floor was slightly sticky. Changbin’s trainers made an uncomfortable squelching noise every time he picked his feet up. The room smelled faintly of something spoiled, like parties tend to get after too much spilled fluid mixed with body odor and the scent of questionable snacks. He got a distinct waft of white cheddar cheese puffs and had to swallow down a gag. 

When he made it to the counter, he forgot what he’d come in here for in the first place. But he saw the open bottle of vodka right in front of him, and without really realizing it, he was pouring himself another shot. He justified it by filling it not quite full. _ It’s not a whole shot _ , he told himself. _ So it’ll be fine. _

It burned twice as much as the first one, and this time he felt his gut twist. _ Uh oh. _ Even drunk Changbin could feel that maybe he fucked up. _ Oh well.. too late. _

Shouts and squeals rang out from the living room, and Changbin poked his head around the doorway to see what all the fuss was about— but immediately he wished he hadn’t. 

Hyunjin was sitting on the couch and Jeongin was straddling his lap, lips connected with Hyunjin’s and going at it like they were the only ones in the room. Everyone was clapping for them and shouting encouragement. “Get it, birthday boy!” someone catcalled. Jeongin must have finally gotten tired of Hyunjin’s drunken banter and shut him up in the most effective way possible. 

Changbin wondered if they would own up to it in the morning this time, or if they were going to keep pretending to be idiots in denial. He hoped they would finally work it out. They deserved to be happy together.

Once again, the thought made his heart heavy. Why was this so _ hard? _ Why did life have to be so goddamn complicated all the time? 

Suddenly everything felt too loud. Too much. Too many people, too many emotions, too many thoughts. And now— now the room really _ was _ spinning. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He needed to lie down.

After a rough journey down the hallway, Changbin wandered into his room and laid down on the carpet in the middle of his floor. It was easier to think down here, and a little quieter too. It was almost nice, except the room kept wobbling in the corners of his vision, so he squeezed his eyes shut.

“Changbin?”

  
The voice sounded like it was coming from far away. Like Changbin was underwater and someone was calling out to him from above, but he was so deep under the waves, he didn’t know how to find his way back to the surface.

A hand found his, and pulled him from the darkness.

It was Seungmin. The other boy was crouched down next to him, and Changbin stared at him, upside-down. It made his features look strange and out of place.

“Binnie? Are you okay?”

Changbin snorted. What a fucking question. “No,” he said thickly.

Seungmin’s face creased with worry. “What’s wrong?” 

Changbin stared up at him, and it felt like something was working its way out from inside him. Something he was powerless to fight. It forced itself up, up from deep inside his gut, tearing its way out of his mouth—

“I’m in love with you,” he stated flatly. “And it’s ruining my life.”

Seungmin’s eyes went wide.

“Wh—what? Changbin… What?”  
“I—”

_ Oh, no _. The words weren’t the only things trying to escape from inside of him. 

He bolted upright, nearly knocking his head together with Seungmin, who pulled back just in time. “Don’t feel good,” he mumbled. His mouth was suddenly full of saliva; thick, viscous spit that he was having a hard time swallowing down. His stomach lurched.

“Oh, my god. Are you gonna be sick?”

Changbin nodded stupidly. “Yup,” he said. He would have laughed at himself— choosing such a silly word when he was about to barf all over himself— but he was too drunk to see the humor in it. 

Seungmin stood up, pulling anxiously at Changbin’s arm. “Okay, come on, let’s go to the—”

Changbin got halfway to his feet before he lost it. 

_ “Hhk— hhhrk—” _

He retched, his throat and stomach muscles beyond his control, straining violently until his stomach contents tore their way out from inside of him and splattered all over the rug. 

“... bathroom,” Seungmin finished sadly.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Seungmin?” 

Changbin’s voice was weak. Everything was wobbly and fuzzy and painful. “Seungminnie, don’t leave me.”

“Shhh.” A cool, wet cloth was placed against his forehead, and then wiped at the corners of his mouth. “I’m here.” 

Changbin laid his forehead down against the porcelain toilet seat. It felt cold and nice on his sweaty skin. Then he felt a gentle touch on his head, and large, familiar fingers stroked his hair. He sighed, both miserable and content at the same time.

“And I’m not going anywhere,” the person attached to the hand said. The words didn’t make the room stop spinning, but they did make Changbin’s heart beat just a little bit faster before everything faded away to black.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The next time he opened his eyes, he immediately regretted it.

His head was throbbing. Each pulse felt like someone was pulverizing his skull with a sledgehammer from the inside, and even though the pain was mostly in his head he felt it all throughout his body. The light shining in from Seungmin’s window made his eyes flare with pain, and—

Wait. _ Seungmin’s _ window?

With a groan, Changbin tried his best to sit up and look around. Seungmin was nowhere to be found, but the color of Changbin’s shirt caught his eye. It was different than the one he’d been wearing last night at the party. He peeked underneath the covers and confirmed his pants were different, too, and that’s when he remembered everything. Vomiting on his stupid rug, splashback covering his socks and jeans, and then Seungmin carrying him to the master bathroom attached to Seungmin’s room. His memory was hazy after that.

“Oh! You’re up. Good, it’s almost noon.”

Seungmin padded over to the bed, clutching two water bottles under his arm and holding a plate of fruit in his hands. He set the plate down on top of his sheets right next to Changbin, and then climbed into bed with him. The dip made Changbin’s stomach lurch again, nausea crashing over him like a wave.

“Ughhhh, don’t move so much,” Changbin groaned, flopping back down and covering his head with his arm. Everything hurt. 

“You big baby.” Seungmin pushed something into his hand, and Changbin opened an eye to peek down at it. Two small, mint-green gelcaps sat in his palm. Advil. “Take these,” Seungmin ordered, uncapping a water bottle for him too. “You’ll thank me later.”

“I should already be thanking you,” Changbin said, popping them in his mouth and taking a swig of water to force them down. “Why am I in your bed?”

Seungmin raised an eyebrow at him. “Um, because you barfed all over your own room and it smelled disgusting?” He scrunched up his nose. “Your rug is on the balcony, by the way. I washed it, but it still smells gross. I think you might have to toss it.” 

Changbin blinked at his friend. Seungmin had really not only taken care of his drunk ass, but _ also _ cleaned up his vomit? And washed his rug? The thought made his heart thump, and a new feeling started taking over his body. One that thankfully wasn’t pain or nausea. It was...

_ Love _.

And then, the _ other _ detail from last night came back to him. The one that he’d conveniently forgotten until right fucking now.

“Oh, my god,” he said out loud, unable to keep his thoughts to himself. Like always. “I confessed to you last night.” He turned to Seungmin, mortified. 

He expected Seungmin to look bothered. Embarassed by Changbin’s inappropriate feelings, or maybe angry that Changbin had messed things up so badly. Changbin was such an _ idiot _ for telling him— and while he was _ drunk _, at that—

What he didn’t expect was to look over at his best friend of twenty years and see the other boy smiling back at him, looking every bit like the sun in human form.

“You did,” Seungmin confirmed. His smile grew wider.

It was too much. Changbin’s brain had no idea how to process this. “I… yeah. I did?”

“You did.”

“And… you’re smiling at me. Am I dumb? I don’t get it.”

And the way that Seungmin looked at him just then— well, Changbin would make a fool of himself a thousand different ways in a million different lifetimes, just to see Seungmin’s face light up like this again. “I am,” Seungmin said, “And yes, you are. Just a little bit dumb, though.”

Changbin reacted automatically, hitting Seungmin lightly on the arm at the jab— and Seungmin caught his hand, lacing his big, strong fingers with Changbin’s smaller, chubby ones. Changbin just stared down at their hands. None of this was making any sense. 

“Seungmin…”

“Changbin.”

_ God, he can be _ so _ annoying sometimes. _ Changbin rolled his eyes and winced as nausea hit him again. “Help me out, here, Minnie,” he pleaded, his voice gravelly and low after the abuse of a night of being sick. His throat hurt.

Seungmin let go of his hand. Was it possible to get attached to something in under a minute? Because Changbin had grown deeply attached to having Seungmin’s hand laced together with his, and now that it was gone, he felt the absence like an ache in his bones.

“When did it start?” Seungmin asked. 

It wasn’t fair, to ask him that kind of question when Changbin still felt like he was in the dark— but he had never really been able to say no to Seungmin. Not when they were children and Seungmin wanted the last popsicle in the freezer; not when they were teenagers and Seungmin wanted to ride the rollercoasters but Changbin just wanted to play the water gun game. And not now, when he was twenty-one and hungover out of his mind, and Seungmin, just a year younger, had stayed up taking care of him all night. 

“When you got back from Australia.”

“Like… right away?”

Changbin bit his lip. He couldn’t look Seungmin in the eye. He wanted to hold hands again. “No. I mean, that’s when it started, I think. But I didn’t notice until…” His face reddened, and Seungmin peered at him curiously.

“Until when?”

“Until that night. When I brought Choi home.”

Seungmin stiffened beside him, and regret threatened to overpower Changbin. _ I can’t believe I did that to him, _ he thought— because even now, even though he said he didn’t understand, his mind was already putting together all the pieces of this puzzle and he knew. He knew why Seungmin had smiled at him, and his heart was breaking at what he had done. “After he left, I— all I could think of was… you.” He hoped it was vague enough, but—

“Does that mean what I think it means?”

Finally, Changbin looked Seungmin in the eyes. Changbin’s cheeks felt red-hot, and he felt like he wanted to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment. But he still nodded. “Yeah. I still… can’t… you know.”

When Changbin was in his junior year of high school, he was still mostly in the closet. But a few of his close friends knew, and before he knew it, one thing led to another and then he was in an unfamiliar room with some friend-of-a-friend that Changbin had only met a couple of times. The guy was older than him, a senior, probably, and Changbin kind of didn’t want to be there but at the same time he wanted it more than anything. Thinking back on it now, he realized that high school Changbin had just wanted the _ act _. He wanted to get laid, to catch up to his other friends, to experience something he’d only seen in movies and on the pixelated screen of his computer. He wanted it so much he didn’t really care who it was with.

But that night, when he finally got his chance, his body betrayed him. 

He didn’t know why it happened. Even now, he still doesn’t know why. But even though the other guy treated him nicely, and tried his best to make Changbin feel good— nothing happened. The longer it went on and the more things the guy tried, the more mortified and embarrassed Changbin became, until he decided for his own sanity to just tell the guy to stop. Changbin finished him off, and as the guy’s come dried on the skin of his cheek he for some reason felt the need to apologize. “Sorry about that,” he had said, his tone trying to be light but still wavering.

“Nervous, I guess.”

“Don’t worry about it,” the guy had replied, handing Changbin a tissue. He was nice. He _ seemed _ nice.

But then the next week, suddenly the whole school knew that Changbin couldn’t get it up.

It wasn’t like they teased him. Kids weren’t like that anymore, not really. But they still _ knew _ ; they still _ talked _ about it. And that was enough to give Changbin a complex that was still with him years later. 

“I’m sorry,” Seungmin said softly, taking Changbin’s hand again and looking at him with the softest expression Changbin had ever seen. It made his heart melt, because he knew that Seungmin meant it. “I would hug you,” Seungmin said, “but I’m still kinda afraid you’re gonna barf all over me.”

“That… is a valid concern,” Changbin said, stomach still queasy. “But I want a raincheck on the hug.” He looked down at their hands and it seemed like a fever dream, that he was here, holding hands with his best friend. Who he was in love with. _ Maybe I’m still dreaming. _“What about you?” he asked, curious about the answer. “How long?” 

“Since I was like, five.”

_ “What? _ Are you serious?”

Seungmin nodded. “Remember that time I cried all day at your sixth birthday party and my mom had to show up and take me home?”

Changbin nodded. He did remember. Seungmin had been inconsolable that day, and no matter what the adults did he didn’t stop crying.

Seungmin let out a little laugh. “It’s because you kissed Chaeyoung on the cheek when she got there, but when I asked you for a kiss you wouldn’t give me one.” 

As Seungmin spoke, the memory formed in Changbin’s mind. “My mom _ told _ me to kiss her,” he protested. “And I— I remember saying no because I thought you weren’t supposed to kiss boys.” 

“I know,” Seungmin said, laughing harder now. “You don’t have to explain it now. It was stupid. But I got really upset, and when I told my mom why, she said you would _ never _ kiss me because I was a boy and I ran upstairs and cried until I fell asleep.” He was quiet now. “I never really questioned why I wanted you to kiss me, though. It was like… I don’t remember a time when I didn’t have feelings for you.” 

“Jesus Christ, Minnie,” Changbin said. His mouth was hanging open, and he felt awful. “That must have been— wasn’t it hard?” He cleared his throat. “I’m... sorry I never realized.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Seungmin said gently. “It wasn’t all bad. It’s not like I was just crying in my room pining over you every day. When you’re a kid, a crush is just wanting to be around the person you like, and we were best friends. I had everything I wanted, basically.”

“Except kisses.”

They both laughed at that, and the mood lightened. “Except kisses,” Seungmin agreed. 

Changbin squeezed Seungmin’s hand tighter. His chest was bursting. He’d never felt like this before; never felt so much love and want and _ emotion _ for another person. He was glad that now that he did, it was for Seungmin. It felt right.

“What do we do now?” he asked. It didn’t seem strange to him that he was asking Seungmin what to do, even though Changbin was the older one. Seungmin had always been the capable one between the two of them, the one who always knew what to do next.

“Well,” Seungmin started, “you should probably, like, shower. And brush your teeth.”

Changbin snorted. “Okay. Good idea.” His head was already starting to clear, but the nausea still gripped him every time he moved, and he was starting to feel an unpleasant rumbling in his gut. “I can’t believe I’m hungover for this. This sucks. I wish I didn’t drink so much last night.”

“I don’t.”

“What? Why?”

Seungmin gave him a look. “Because then you would have just kept on avoiding me? Duh.”

“Oh,” Changbin said, sheepish. “Yeah… I don’t know. I just didn’t know how to deal with it.”

“Okay, fair.” Seungmin nudged him. “Go shower. You smell bad. I gotta wash my sheets.”

Changbin blushed and nodded. “Right. Yeah. Okay.” He hesitated. “Um… thanks. For taking care of me last night.”

Seungmin smiled at him. “I’m still your best friend,” he said. “That’s never gonna change, Binnie.”

And even though Changbin’s stomach was churning and the room had started spinning again, he felt better than he had in weeks. It was like all he needed was a single smile from Kim Seungmin, and everything in his life was right again. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


After Changbin had showered and done some more cleaning, Seungmin reluctantly excused himself to meet his mom for shopping and dinner. 

“I can stay home,” he said, a look in his eyes that Changbin couldn’t quite place. “I can tell her I’m sick, or something.” 

“Don’t worry about it. I’m _ actually _ sick, anyway. I wouldn’t be any fun to be around.”

Seungmin pouted then, and Changbin’s heart nearly broke on the spot. Since when did this boy hold so much power of him, that even a simple change of expression could make Changbin want to give him the world? 

“But I want to be with you,” Seungmin said, his voice small, reaching out with his hand and linking his pinky finger with Changbin’s. 

“Oh.” Changbin’s heart was pounding so hard he couldn’t hear himself speak over the noise. “Oh, my god.” 

Seungmin pulled back, alarmed. “What? Was that not okay?”

“No! No, I mean— I just—” Changbin took a deep breath and stared into Seungmin’s eyes. “I’m just, like, _ really _ in love with you.” Seungmin’s gaze was too intense, so Changbin lowered his eyes to his socked feet instead, picking at the hem of his hoodie. “When you said that, I thought I was gonna have a fucking— heart attack, or something.”

That made Seungmin laugh, and Changbin was glad. He didn’t like it when Seungmin looked sad. "I'm not used to this," he admitted. "I'm not used to having… _ feelings." _ He swung their hands back and forth a little, still linked by their pinkies. "I want to be with you, too." 

Seungmin had stepped closer to him, and Changbin knew Seungmin wanted to hug— but then he felt that familiar feeling in his stomach, the room spinning violently again, reminding him that he still wasn't done paying the price for his stupidity last night. He stepped back from Seungmin hurriedly. "As much as I want to hug you right now," he rushed, "I think I'm about to have a repeat of last night."

Seungmin's eyes widened. "Oh. Oh, no. Okay, go. I'll see you tonight."

The only thing Changbin could do was nod as he backed out into the hallway, breaking into a sprint when the door closed, and as he retched into the toilet for the umpteenth time in 24 hours, all he could think was that it was worth it. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


They took it slow at first. They had a lot to catch up on, after all, and they were both enjoying the newness of everything. Even menial things like walking to class together or lugging their laundry down to the basement took on an entirely new feeling; each brush of their fingertips and fleeting eye contact made them smile and their hearts beat quicker. 

Nobody noticed the small changes in the beginning. The two of them already spent so much time together, anyway, and it wasn't until Hyunjin walked in on them holding hands on the couch that anyone else found out. 

Hyunjin had just stared at them for a moment. "I don't know why I'm surprised right now," he'd said, making the two of them blush and scoot away from each other. "I really shouldn't be."

"Not as surprised as I'll be when you and Jeongin finally decide to stop playing dumb and admit you like each other," Seungmin quipped. That shut Hyunjin up on the spot, and the other boy didn't say anything else on the subject. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The first time they kissed, it was raining. 

Changbin had been wanting to do it for a while. Every time Seungmin was near him, Changbin's heart started thumping wildly and it was like everything around him faded away until the other boy was all he could see. He wanted to run his hands everywhere they could reach, wanted to follow with his lips and cover Seungmin's skin in kisses. 

But he always held back. 

He just didn't want to mess this up. With other guys he never hesitated in taking the lead; taking what he wanted. With Seungmin, though, he felt like he needed to be… not _ careful, _ not exactly, but— _ thoughtful. _

What they had right now was so _ good _ . It was fresh and bright and new, and Changbin was just so scared to turn it into something complicated. Because it _ would _ be complicated. With him it was always complicated, and he was scared of facing that. 

If Seungmin wanted to move any faster he never showed it. He always seemed happy to cuddle up next to Changbin, to open his arms and let Changbin rest his head on Seungmin's chest as they watched Netflix on Changbin's bed. Changbin didn't know if it was because Seungmin really was content as they were, or if he was doing it out of some other emotion. It could have easily been out of concern for Changbin, or maybe the other boy was just plain nervous. To Changbin's knowledge, Seungmin had never dated anyone before. It went on like that for days, and then weeks—

And then it rained.

And rained, and rained. It didn't stop for five whole days. 

It made them all miserable. When they had to leave the house, they complained— but when they had to stay inside because it was too gross to walk anywhere, they complained then, too. All four of them were going stir crazy.

Seungmin was lying on the floor in his room (he had a comfortable faux shag rug that they all loved to roll around on), book in hand. Changbin was on Seungmin's bed, watching stupid vine compilations that he'd already seen way too many times before. 

Suddenly Seungmin groaned. Changbin poked his head over the side of the bed and saw the book covering Seungmin's face, his limbs stretched out, looking very much like a strange species of starfish. 

"I'm so bored I think I might die," Seungmin said flatly, his words muffled by the book. 

Changbin giggled, reaching out to swat the book to the floor and revealing Seungmin's pout. _ He looks just like a little puppy, _ Changbin thought with a smile. He put his phone aside and slid off the bed to join Seungmin on the floor, sitting on his knees and grinning down at his friend. His crush. His— _ boyfriend? _ They hadn’t really talked about it yet.

“Do you wanna date me?”

Seungmin blinked up at him. “Are we not already?”

Changbin hummed. “Just checking.” And as the rain beat down against the windowsill, creating a steady _ thrum-thrum-thrum _ not unlike his heart beating in his chest, he leaned over and kissed Seungmin on the lips. 

When he opened his eyes, Seungmin was staring back at him. Changbin’s heart was racing— he couldn’t believe he just did that, and it was amazing and perfect and holy shit he wanted to do it again— and then Seungmin’s hand wrapped around the back of Changbin’s neck, pulling him back down.

Seungmin’s lips didn’t taste like anything, really, but Changbin felt drunk from them anyways. Without pulling away, he moved his body so that he was on all fours above the other boy, reaching up to twist a hand in Seungmin’s soft, soft hair. He must have pulled a little, because Seungmin opened his mouth to let out a surprised little sound and finally they broke apart. 

They just looked at each other, breathing heavily, and Seungmin slowly moved his hand up to cup Changbin’s cheek. He swiped his thumb softly under Changbin’s eye, and it was only then that Changbin realized he was crying.

“What’s wrong?” Seungmin asked softly.

Changbin shook his head, but he didn’t speak, just lowered himself down again. He kissed Seungmin, over and over until his tears stopped, and Seungmin wrapped his arms around Changbin’s neck and pulled him down, and they stayed like that until they could no longer hear the beating of the rain.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The TV gave off a flickering, unsteady light as some Netflix original played on in the dark room, completely ignored by the two boys in the bed. It was just a week after their first kiss. 

Changbin dragged his hand up the smooth plane of Seungmin's stomach, skin stuttering against skin. His lips were working at Seungmin's neck, and every single tremble, every single moan of the boy beneath him sent a jolt of electricity all throughout Changbin’s body. Thoughts were running wild through his head; thoughts that he’d never had before in his entire life and would have surprised him if he stopped to think about it. He couldn’t get enough—

_ “Hyung,” _ Seungmin whimpered. “I can’t.”

Changbin pulled back, worried. He shook his head to clear the cloud of weird thoughts away. “Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?”

_ “No! _ Don’t stop. Please.” Seungmin hid his face in his hands and gave a tiny shake of his head. “I just— I need—”

_ Oh. _

To be honest, he had been holding himself back this whole time. His first instinct was to go straight for the goal and make his partner come. He _ craved _ it. He wanted the sounds, the shaking, the _ satisfaction _. 

But with Seungmin, it was different.

Changbin knew Seungmin had never hooked up with anyone. He’d dated a few girls in high school, with predictable results. And Changbin also knew that his own way of being… _ intimate _ with people was not very intimate at all. He wanted things to be different with Seungmin. He wanted things to be good.

So many different feelings and worries all crowded together in his chest. He breathed in deeply, his nostrils filling with the scent of Seungmin’s skin and Seugmin’s sweat and, faintly, the lavender-scented shampoo Seungmin liked to use. The familiar smell in this new, unfamiliar context brought up a sharp memory— and that was the amazing thing about being with someone you’ve known for practically their entire life, you _ knew _ things about them— of Seungmin in their senior year of high school, crushing on a boy who worked at Lush and dragging Changbin in there every weekend to gawk at him. It never led to anything, obviously, but ever since then Seungmin had been hooked on their products. It was an improvement over the bland Target brands the other boy had been using before, so Changbin didn’t complain, and now as he breathed it in he thought about how much better it smelled when it mixed with Seungmin’s sweat. 

“Shhh,” Changbin breathed, bringing their lips together and kissing Seungmin’s pleading away. Overcome with some kind of emotion, he pulled back and made eye contact with his best friend, brushing away the bangs that were sticking to Seungmin’s skin. It wasn’t even hot in here, but Seungmin was glistening. “I've got you.” They kissed again, and Changbin let his hand work its way down to the front of Seungmin’s pajama pants. The well-washed flannel was rough and pilled beneath his palm. 

Seungmin had owned these since he was sixteen. They were too short now, but he still wore them anyway. Changbin liked the way his bony ankles poked out from beneath the hems. 

“You look so hot in these,” he mumbled, not stopping to think about the words before they were out of his mouth. 

Seungmin gave a snort of laughter that quickly turned into a moan as Changbin finally made contact with him where he so desperately needed it. “Yes,” he panted. “Changbin. _ God.” _

He was hard. _ (Of course he’s hard, that’s what’s supposed to happen when you fool around, _Changbin thought to himself.) Changbin felt it through the fabric, cupping his palm around it as his mind tried to piece together the feeling with all the times he’d seen Seungmin’s dick before.

When they were kids, all the time in the bath. When they were nine and changing into their swimsuits in Seungmin’s room to go play in the sprinkler in the front yard. When they were older, here and there, as a towel slipped, or Changbin opened the door while he was taking a piss, or as the fly of his boxers gaped open while they played video games together in their underwear in the sweltering summer heat. None of those hazy half-remembered images matched up to what he felt now, impossibly hard and thick and _ hot, _and straining upwards to grind against Changbin’s hand. Heat radiated even through the flannel and Changbin moaned into Seungmin’s mouth. 

“Wanna make you come,” he mumbled in between kisses. “Please, Minnie.” 

“Please,” Seungmin echoed. “Please, please, please—”

Changbin slid his hand expertly beneath Seungmin’s two waistbands and closed around the heat of Seungmin’s cock. Seungmin gasped, his eyes flying open to stare open-mouthed at Changbin. “Fuck,” he panted. “Wow.”

_ He’s so cute. _ Changbin let out a small puff of air through his nose, something like a laugh, and leaned down to capture Seungmin’s bottom lip between his teeth. He bit down, just a little bit, and started moving his hand, hoping that Seungmin would like the combination of a little bit of pain with his pleasure as much as Changbin did. Seungmin made a small whining sound in the back of his throat, pressing up, up, against Changbin’s hand—

And then Changbin froze.

Seungmin’s hand had moved slowly from where it was gripping the back of Changbin’s shirt to brush against the front of his sweats, obviously in search of returning the pleasure that Changbin was currently giving to him. 

But the problem was, Changbin wasn’t hard.

He jumped back like he’d been struck by lightning. Seungmin looked at him, startled, before his eyes went wide. “Shit,” he whispered. “Binnie, I’m sorry, I forgot—” He reached out, but Changbin shrank back automatically. He wished he hadn’t a second later when Seungmin’s eyes filled with hurt, but he couldn’t take it back. 

“Don’t be sorry,” Changbin said, looking down at the bed. He couldn’t meet Seungmin’s gaze, not when Changbin had just made him look like— like _ that. _ “I— I don’t want you to have to be sorry.” His voice cracked. 

“Changbin, hey,” Seungmin said gently. He moved himself into a sitting position and scooted forward until he was knee-to-knee with Changbin. Slowly, as if not to startle him again, Seungmin reached out and took Changbin’s hand, and then leaned forward until their foreheads met. Changbin’s gaze was still on the bed, but he leaned forward against Seungmin. They had always done this, ever since they were kids, when they were talking about something difficult. “I—” Seungmin’s voice faltered, like he wasn’t sure exactly what he wanted to say. “I should have asked first.”

Without warning, tears started welling up in Changbin’s eyes. They rolled down his face, leaving wet trails down his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. “I’m s-sorry I’m like this,” he cried.

“No,” Seungmin whispered. “No, no, Binnie, don’t say that.” He cupped Changbin’s face between his hands, his rough thumbs wiping away tear after tear until Changbin’s face was clean. “There’s nothing wrong with you and you don’t have to be sorry. For anything. Okay?”

“But— but I can’t…” He couldn’t bring himself to say the words. The words he hated, the shame he’d been carrying around for three whole years. 

“So?” Seungmin kissed him, pressed their lips together like he was afraid Changbin would disappear. “I still love you.”

Changbin pulled back. “You.. love me?”

Seungmin stared at him like he’d just grown a second head. “Of course I do. Don’t you? Love me, too?”

“Well, yeah... that’s just the first time you said it.”

“Do you want me to say it again? I love you.” He kissed Changbin’s lips. “I love you.” Then he kissed Changbin’s cheek. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” Nose, forehead, lips again. “And I don’t care if you don’t get hard. I still love you. I would love you even if you didn’t even _ have _ a dick.”

That made Changbin laugh, just a little. He wiped his nose with his hand. “You’re so weird.”

“Changbin.” Seungmin was looking at him with a glint in his eyes now, a glint that could only mean one thing. He was about to say something ridiculously stupid, and then laugh at himself like he was the funniest person in the world. “I would love you even if you were a _ girl.” _

“Oh, my god.” Changbin couldn’t help himself. He snorted. They both knew how Seungmin felt about girls (poor Mina from eleventh grade had to find out the hard— or rather, _ not _ hard way), and to hear him say that actually did kind of put everything in perspective for him. And the joke had sapped all of the tension from the air, making the mood not quite so emotional and heavy. He sniffled and looked Seungmin in the eyes.

“Thanks,” he said. “I love you, too.”

Seungmin smiled at him, giving his cheek one last swipe before pulling back. “I know,” he said simply. He flopped back down on the bed, stretching out his hand for Changbin to take.

Changbin did, locking their fingers together and laying down next to Seungmin. They stared at the ceiling together, separate but still connected. 

And as always, Seungmin— ever the problem-solver between them— spoke first. “How do you normally do it?” he asked. “If you don’t mind talking about it. You don’t have to, if it’s weird.”

“No, it’s okay,” Changbin replied. And it was. It was okay. With anyone else he would have been mortified, but with Seungmin… 

He was okay.

“I usually get the other person off,” he said. “And when they try to do the same, I just tell them not to worry about it. It’s not that hard to convince them.” He gave a dry, humorless laugh. “And then when they leave, or I leave, I take care of it myself.” 

“So it’s not like you _ can’t,” _ Seungmin observed. His thumb stroked Changbin’s absentmindedly. The gesture was comforting. “You just can’t with other people.” 

“Yeah, I guess. I haven’t really… tried a lot of things.” Changbin shifted. “It’s not like I really wanted to explain it to them.”

“No, I get that,” Seungmin said. “It would be weird, if you’re just hooking up.” He hesitated.

“What is it?” Changbin asked.

Seungmin hummed. “Nothing.” A pause, then, “I guess you’ve been with a lot of people, huh?”

Changbin turned his head to look at the other boy. He couldn’t tell exactly why Seungmin had said that. Jealousy? Insecurity? Or… disgust, even?“

Does that bother you?” he asked carefully.

“No, no,” Seungmin said in a rush. “I mean… you’re just more experienced than me, that’s all.” And then, because Seungmin was the embodiment of a perfect boyfriend (_ Why did it take me so long to realize?) _, he explained himself before Changbin had the chance to worry about the meaning behind his words. “It makes me feel a little insecure, I guess. I haven’t done anything before.” 

Changbin’s heart _ thumped _ in his chest. “Well, you’re already doing way better than anyone I’ve ever been with, so. You don’t need to worry.”

He felt Seungmin squeeze his hand, and then the other boy turned towards him. “We can try things,” Seungmin said. “We can find out what works for us.” 

Before Changbin could protest, Seungmin went on. “And even if it doesn’t happen the way it does for other people, it’s still okay. The point isn’t to _ force _ anything, okay? Whatever happens, as long as we both feel good, that's enough.”

Changbin just stared at him. “Seungmin, you are an actual angel.”

Seungmin blushed and wiggled their hands. He always moved around a lot when he was nervous. “No,” he said shyly. “I swear, my motivations are purely selfish.” He hid his face in Changbin’s side before going on. “After all, I’ve wanted to suck your dick since I was, like, sixteen.”

A blush crept up Changbin's cheeks and— amazingly, surprisingly— he felt his dick twitch, blood beginning to fill him out. But as soon as he started thinking about it, it stopped, and it was all he could do not to let out a hiss of frustration. He turned his attention back to Seungmin instead. “Well, I could never forgive myself if I stood in the way of your dream,” he said, and they both giggled. “Um— not right now, though. Maybe next time?” His heart was still racing, and he felt that familiar pressure, the never-ending pressure to _ perform, _ even though he _ couldn’t _—

“Yeah, no worries. Whenever you feel up to it.” Seungmin trailed his finger along Changbin’s arm, tracing a line from his shoulder to his wrist and back again. “Um,” he said hesitantly, “maybe we could… do something else?”

He sounded unsure, and Changbin’s eyes flitted to Seungmin’s face. The other boy was avoiding his gaze, a faint blush creeping over his cheeks. 

“Yeah? Like what?” Changbin put his hand on Seungmin’s waist, thumb running over Seungmin’s exposed hip. It made Seungmin shudder, and desire ran through Changbin again, sharp and demanding. He wanted to make Seungmin feel good. He wanted to collect all of his best friend’s little noises and shakes, collect them and store them away and—

“Maybe we could… um, like. Just do it by ourselves? But like, together.”

Changbin stared at him. When Seungmin floundered his words like that, it meant he was _ really _ nervous. “You mean like, jerk off together?”  
The blush on Seungmin’s cheeks flared, and he hid his face in the sheets. It was unusual for him to be this shy, and Changbin felt his heart thump in his chest with love for the other boy. Seungmin wouldn’t answer him, and he wouldn’t pull his face away from the blankets. Changbin smiled.

“Don’t be embarrassed.” He tugged Seungmin’s hands away from his face. “It’s a good idea. I don’t know if I can, but—” He gulped. “I can try.”

Seungmin opened one of his eyes, just a slit, and peeked at Changbin. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Changbin leaned in for a kiss, at first just a peck, but going in again for one more deep and sensuous. His hand on Seungmin's hip moved upwards, under Seungmin's baggy tee, fingertips feeling the slightest bump of each rib underneath the other boy's skin. Seungmin was so skinny. He had always been long and lanky, with knobby knees and sticky-outy elbows, and even now that he'd grown into his long limbs and thin frame, there were still places where his bones stood out sharp against his skin. 

Seungmin shivered at Changbin's light touch and pressed his lips harder against Changbin's. It made Changbin pull back and give him a little smile. 

"Will you start?" Changbin asked. "I'm kind of… nervous." He didn't mention that he needed Seungmin's moans and movement in order to even think about being able to do this.

"And I'm not?" The words were sarcastic but Seungmin said them with a soft undertone. "It's not like I've done this before." He seemed to be a little nervous, and Changbin found Seungmin's hand and squeezed it. 

"We don't have to," he said gently. "If you're not comfortable. I don't wanna rush you. Or this."

"Changbin, not to be crass, but I'm pretty sure that if I don't come in the next ten minutes I might actually die." 

The two boys made eye contact with each other and snorted, all of the tension and worry gone. As Seungmin started pulling off his shirt, he said, "Remember that time you jerked off in my shower?"

Changbin groaned, pretending to be exasperated but keeping his eyes trained on Seungmin's body. "Can we please _ not _ bring up my embarrassing teenage years? I'm surprised you never walked in on me, to be honest. I could _ not _keep my hands out of my pants back then."

Seungmin tossed his shirt on the floor and coughed a little. "I, uh. I did, once."

"You— what?"

"I did walk in on you. Once."

He could feel the heat in his cheeks. "When?!"

"Like, eleventh grade or something?" Seungmin was laying down now, and so casually Changbin almost missed it, he slipped a hand beneath the waistband of his pajama bottoms. "Your mom let me in. I ran up to your room and the door was cracked, so I just opened it." His hand started moving and Changbin sucked in a breath. "You were sitting at your computer and I called your name, but you were wearing headphones. And then I saw your hand moving—" Seungmin's breath hitched and he closed his eyes. Changbin couldn't believe what he was seeing: his best friend, touching himself on Changbin's bed, while he talked about catching Changbin masturbating four years ago. "And I realized what was happening," Seungmin went on, "and I was just, like _ frozen _ for a second. And then you made a noise, and I— I ran all the way back to my house."

Changbin was laying back, now, too, and he closed his eyes, listening to Seungmin beside him. He didn't touch himself yet, but he pulled up the hem of his shirt and let his fingers trail gently over the skin of his lower abdomen. He was still nervous— nervous that nothing would happen, that he wouldn't even be able to do _ this— _but he tried his best to ignore the feeling and focused instead on Seungmin's voice. 

"When I got home, I ran upstairs and locked my door and—" Seungmin let out a little noise, and Changbin felt himself begin to harden. He drew in a sharp breath but still kept his hands away, afraid to mess it up. "And I made myself come right there, just leaning against the door, and it barely took thirty seconds." 

"Fuck, Minnie…" Changbin's head was reeling, and even though what they were doing was so tame, so chaste compared to the things he'd done before, it still felt electric. Like his whole body was just _ waiting. _

He finally wrapped a hand around himself, and with a sigh of relief and pleasure he felt himself throb under his own touch, his cock getting harder with every pulse. Just like before, he tried to clear his mind of thoughts or he knew he would end up psyching himself out. 

"And _ then," _ Seungmin went on, "I just— I couldn't stop. I still felt like I _ needed _something, even though I'd just come, and I kept touching myself even though it hurt— and that was literally the day I learned about multiple orgasms."

For a second both of them were silent, and the only sound in the dark room was the soft _ swsh-swsh-swsh _of fabric against skin. Seungmin's pace was significantly slower than Changbin's own. 

"Did you ever…" Seungmin started, his voice a little breathless. "Did you ever… think about me?"

"Only like a million times over the past few months." Changbin let out a long, shaky breath. He couldn't believe this was happening. He actually felt like he was getting _ close. _"Once… fuck, this is so embarrassing. Remember when your shower was fucked up? So you used the hall bathroom instead, and I went in to shower after you, and—" Changbin paused to pull the waistband of his sweats down, giving him better access— "you had left your clothes on the counter. And I picked them up to go give them to you, but your shirt… it smelled like you, and I— Jesus Christ, I jerked off in the bathroom with my face, like, buried in your shirt." 

He didn't know why he wasn't embarrassed. He would never tell that to anyone else in a million years— but he had always felt like he could tell Seungmin anything, and apparently that hadn't changed. 

"C-Changbin, I'm so close."

Arousal and need surged through Changbin's body at Seungmin's breathless words. Changbin moved closer to Seungmin, twisting his upper body so he could lock their lips together while still fisting his own cock. "Wait for me," he begged against Seungmin's lips. "Just— just a little—"

"Always wait for you— always—" And Seungmin tangled his free hand in Changbin's hair, and they moved together, muscles tensing and breath heavy and then Changbin was finally, _ finally _there. For the first time in his life— at 21 years old— he was finally about to have an orgasm with another person.

_ "Ahh— _M-M-Min— I'm—" He couldn't finish his sentence, the feeling was too strong, he was gonna explode—

_ "Coming," _ Seungmin finished for both of them. His body went rigid and the hand wound in Changbin's hair clenched, and Changbin had no idea what happened after that because then he was coming. It ripped through him, white-hot and endless, spreading fire from his belly all throughout his body and making his fingertips tingle. He could _ feel _ his seed being pushed out of him, spasm after spasm after spasm until his hand was covered in it. Only then did he come back to himself— and to Seungmin.

"Holy shit," Changbin whispered. 

He pulled his hand away from his spent cock, fingers messy, pulling them apart to look at the thick, globby substance in disbelief. "Holy shit."

Seungmin's hand moved from Changbin's hair to cup Changbin's face, and pulled him in for a deep, loving kiss. "You did it," he breathed. 

"I did it," Changbin repeated. He looked Seungmin in the eyes. "You're… you're amazing." 

_ "You're _ amazing," Seungmin said, stroking Changbin's cheek. Changbin leaned into the touch. His whole body felt like it was radiating heat, making him feel soft and fuzzy and content. Then he noticed Seungmin's hand, still moving lazily inside his flannel pajama bottoms even though the front already showed a deep, wet stain. He remembered what Seungmin had just said— _ 'and that's when I discovered multiple orgasms.' _

"You can go again, can't you?" Changbin asked curiously. 

Seungmin reddened. "I don't know why I told you that," he said, suddenly bashful. "I wasn't thinking—"

"It was hot," Changbin interrupted. "Do you always… go more than once?"

Seungmin just nodded and pulled his hand out of his pants, wiping the mess away on the pilled fabric. "I don't _ need _to, but I usually do, if I have time."

Changbin grinned. He pulled a few tissues from his bedside table and wiped the mess from his hand, then scooted right next to Seungmin and tugged his friend's pajama bottoms down to mid-thigh. When he saw Seungmin's cock, he licked his lips. Seungmin was only half-hard now, but his cock was still impressively sized. It wasn't _ huge, _ but it was definitely on the larger end of the spectrum of dicks he'd encountered in his escapades. Definitely above average, if he had to label it (he didn't). And it was just so— so _ pretty. _Slim, smooth, beautiful. Just like Seungmin. 

He'd seen enough overstimulation videos to know that the second orgasm required a special touch. "Show me how you like it," he urged. 

Embarrassed, Seungmin covered his face with his left arm. "Hyung," he whined. They didn't use honorifics very often after growing up in the States, but Seungmin had a habit of calling Changbin _ hyung _when he was angry or when he wanted something. Right now, Changbin was guessing it was the latter. 

"Please?" Changbin reached for Seungmin's free hand and guided it to Seungmin's cock. "I wanna see."

With a begrudging little _ hmph _and his face still hidden, Seungmin took hold of himself again. His fingers were long and pretty on his cock, and this time, instead of the slow, long strokes he was using before, he closed just his thumb and forefinger around the head and started small, quick jerking motions. His whole body responded, his legs drawing up and the hand covering his face clenching into a fist. A high-pitched whine escaped his throat.

"Does it hurt?"

Seungmin moved his hand behind his head and nodded, biting his lip. "But.. in a good way."

"Can I?" 

Another nod, and then Changbin's fingers replaced Seungmin's. As soon as they did, Seungmin gasped. "Fuck," he moaned. 

Changbin started mimicking the motions Seungmin had been doing just moments before. His boyfriend's body spasmed in response, Seungmin drawing in a shuddering breath. 

"Tell me if it hurts too much, okay?"

Seungmin just nodded, and Changbin let himself focus. Seungmin was making the hottest little noises, whines and grunts and pretty gasps, as the other boy's body alternated between shaking and tense. Changbin ran his other hand up Seungmin's belly and chest, trying to soothe him through it. 

"Ah— ah— _ ahhh— ahhh!" _ Seungmin's whines turned into a long, staccato cry, and before Changbin could process what was going on, liquid started spraying from Seungmin's cock. It just kept coming and coming, even though Seungmin's cock wasn't even fully hard, and when it finally slowed Changbin was about to pull his hand away— 

"Nono_ no _— please don't stop, please please please, I can still—"

Eyes wide, Changbin picked up the frantic pace again— and sure enough, within seconds Seungmin was coming _ again, _ more of that thin, clearish liquid shooting out from his cock in streams. Seungmin was covered in it, and the sheets around him were soaked. _ Fuck, that is so hot. _

Suddenly Seungmin's hand darted out to catch Changbin's wrist. Changbin stopped. 

"All done?" he asked. 

Weakly, Seungmin nodded. He opened his mouth but no words came out, just heavy, panting breaths. 

Changbin curled up next to him, drawing his finger through the mess on Seungmin's tummy. "Is this come?" he asked curiously. It seemed way thinner and more liquidy compared to what Seungmin's cock had been covered in after his first orgasm— and there was a _ lot _more of it. 

"Kind of," Seungmin answered, still breathless. "It's mostly, uh. Seminal fluid." He grabbed his discarded shirt and used it to start wiping himself off. "It's usually like this the second time, but… not usually this much? Only when I'm, like, really horny, I guess."

"Oh, so I make you really horny, huh?"

Seungmin rolled his eyes at him. "I'm not even going to answer that." 

Changbin just giggled and curled up closer. He breathed in deeply, inhaling the scent of Seungmin— his skin, his sweat, his semen, everything. The warm, fuzzy afterglow of his orgasm was still pulsing through him, lasting much longer than it usually did. He felt.. clingy. 

This was new. Usually Changbin escaped as quickly as possible after sex (or his version of it, anyway). He'd never felt a desire to hang around. 

But now he did. 

He didn't want to leave Seungmin's side. He wanted to stay here, in the mess they'd made together, his skin as close as possible to his lover's, breathing the same breaths and just being close. 

"We should clean up," Seungmin said. "I'll wash your sheets. We can sleep in my bed tonight."

"No!" 

Seungmin looked at him, puzzled. "No? You don't want to stay in my room?"

"No, I do, I just— I don't wanna move yet." Changbin's voice grew small and pouty and he burrowed closer into Seungmin's side, blinking up at Seungmin to see his reaction. Seungmin was a no-nonsense kind of person, and he didn't like to waste time.

To his surprise, Seungmin smiled down at him and pulled him in close, placing a gentle kiss to the top of Changbin's head. "Yeah? Feeling needy, huh?"

"How did you know?"

"You always get clingy when you're emotional." Seungmin looked at him fondly. "And I guess after you come, too. It's cute. You're cute."

"So we can stay here for a little bit? Like this?"

"Whatever you want," Seungmin said softly. He hesitated, then spoke again, his voice low and a little unsure. "Whatever you want, baby."

Changbin felt Seungmin's body tense slightly, like the other boy was bracing himself for Changbin's reaction. He shouldn't have been so nervous. As soon as the word was out of his mouth, Changbin's body flushed all over, heat spreading from his chest all the way to the tips of his fingers. It wasn't something he ever would have thought to ask for, but when he heard it… the word made him feel small and safe. Secure.

He liked it.

"Say it again," Changbin whispered. He felt Seungmin's body relax. 

"Baby," Seungmin said. His voice was a little nasally now, like it got when he was too excited to control it. "My baby."

It made Changbin blush. "Where did that even come from?" he mumbled into Seungmin's side. The other boy squeezed him close. 

"I've always wanted to call you that," Seungmin said. "You deserve to be taken care of, Changbin. You deserve to be treated like a prince and loved and just— I don't know. I want to make you happy."

Changbin didn't think it was possible to feel this much love for one person. His chest felt like it could burst, and he nestled his head into the crook of Seungmin's neck, hand on Seungmin's chest, listening to the pulse of his heartbeat. 

"You do."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jeongin eyed them when they walked out of Changbin's room, Changbin's sheets all bundled up in Seungmin's arms.

"Are you two fucking?" he asked suspiciously.

The two of them looked at each other and grinned. It was the kind of smile that only happened between two people who shared a secret. 

"We're definitely _ not _fucking," Changbin said truthfully.

"Definitely not," Seungmin echoed. 

Their laughter could be heard down the hallway, and they left Jeongin standing in the middle of their living room, a puzzled expression on his face. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


After that one perfect night, it became more and more difficult for the two of them to find time together. Seungmin had picked up his old part-time job at the photo center on campus. ("I basically ran through my entire savings in Australia!" he'd complained, which Changbin knew to mean he'd used up his couple thousand dollar cushion he liked to have in his bank account on _ top _of his actual savings.) Non-employees weren't allowed behind the counter of the little print and equipment shop, so Changbin couldn't really hang out while Seungmin was working. 

As if that weren't enough, midterms were coming up, too. And while Changbin was able to glide through his liberal arts classes without much studying, Seungmin— as a math major— was practically glued to his textbooks. 

"Ugh, I am so _ over _ homeomorphic planes!" Seungmin groaned, letting his head fall forward onto the desk. 

Changbin looked up from his webtoon. "Homoerotic what?"

Seungmin rolled his eyes. "Homeo_ morphic," _ he repeated. "Objects that have intrinsic topological equivalence."

"You say that like I know what any of those words mean. You're talking to someone whose only college math course was 'A _ Liberal Arts _Approach to Calculus,' remember?"

"That class was such a joke. I can't believe you could bring a whole sheet of formulas to your final."

"Hey, not all of us can be math geniuses, okay? I blame Mrs. Booth."

"Wh— the second grade math teacher? What did she do?"

"You don't remember?! She made us all stand up and play that stupid math game. And you couldn't sit down until you answered one of the questions, and I was _ always _one of the last people standing."

Seungmin blinked. "Oh. I liked that game."

"Of course you did. Nerd." Changbin threw his hoodie at Seungmin, who dodged it easily. "How much more do you have to do?"

Seungmin thumbed through the pages of his textbook. "Just six more pages left in this chapter."

An idea popped into Changbin's head. He shimmied to the end of Seungmin's bed until he reached the edge and laid there, head propped up on his elbows. "Hey."

"Hmm?"

Changbin reached a hand out and trailed his finger along Seungmin's exposed arm. He could just barely reach the other boy sitting at his desk. "If you finish the chapter, I'll let you do the thing."

That made Seungmin perk up instantly. He whipped his head around to stare at Changbin. "For real?"

Changbin gave him a coy little smile and nodded. Ever since that night, they'd repeated the same events a few times. Changbin had become more and more adventurous, eventually taking over and making Seungmin come. Each time, Seungmin offered to reciprocate— but each time, Changbin turned him down. "Not yet," he would say, catching Seungmin's hand and holding it. Each time Seungmin was patient and understanding, never pushing him, never asking more than once. But Changbin could tell that the other boy _ wanted _it. And to be honest, Changbin completely understood. He knew how badly he craved the feeling, the taste of Seungmin's skin— and to know that he was denying his boyfriend the satisfaction made him feel guilty, no matter how much Seungmin told him not to worry about it. 

But today, he felt _ ready. _

He'd been hyping himself up for awhile. He repeated what Seungmin had told him— it didn't matter if he came or not. It didn't even matter if he couldn't get it up. But Seungmin wanted to suck his dick, and, okay, Changbin was a junior in college and he was kind of ready to be on the receiving end for once. 

So, yeah. He was ready. 

Seungmin was bouncing in his chair, unable to stay still. "Are you sure?" he asked, excitement in his voice. "I don't wanna rush you."

_ What a cutie. _"Yes, Seungmin, I'm sure that I want you to give me a blowjob."

The other boy's ears turned red. "C-can you say that again?" he asked shyly. 

With a sudden burst of confidence, Changbin slid off the bed and padded over to Seungmin's chair. He straddled his boyfriend, draping his arms around Seungmin's neck and looking him in the eyes. "I want you to blow me," he purred. 

His little show had the desired effect. Seungmin's eyes went wide and he twitched in his pants, hardness filling out and pushing against Changbin's ass. "Fuck," Seungmin said. He placed his hands on Changbin's waist, holding Changbin firmly in place, resting his head in the crook of Changbin's neck and exhaling loudly. "Ahhh. Okay. You have to leave or I'm never gonna be able to focus." He tapped Changbin's waist, a signal to get up. "Wait for me in your room, okay?"

Seungmin's commanding words sent an odd feeling down Changbin's spine. It was almost the same as the tingles he felt from ASMR, but deeper. More… primal. "Okay," he agreed, pulling away from Seungmin. He gave his boyfriend a last kiss to his temple before heading out. "Good luck."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Ten minutes later, Changbin had to physically stop himself from pacing around his room. "Get it together," he said under his breath. But his heart was racing, and _ not _ in the good kind of way. No matter what he did, he couldn't get it to stop.

With a sigh, he grabbed his phone and collapsed on his bed.

_ 19:34 _

**binniebaby: **sorry I know the point is to help you finish revising and NOT distract you

**binniebaby: **but uh I'm suddenly rly nervous

_ 19:35 _

**minnieminnie: **:((( baby it's okay

**minnieminnie: **do you wanna change your mind? it's totally okay if you do

**binniebaby:** noooo >:(

**binniebaby:** I just idk I wish this were easy

**binniebaby: **it's a blowjob? I'm supposed to be excited

**binniebaby: **sorry I'm being stupid 

**minnieminnie: **you're not being stupid at all. your feelings are totally valid. just because it's easy for MOST people doesn't mean it's easy for everyone, there's nothing wrong with that and there's nothing wrong with /you/

**binniebaby: **I love you :(

**minnieminnie: **stop sending me sad faces or I'm gonna throw my textbook out the window and come in there and kiss that off your face right now 

**binniebaby: **NO that defeats the purpose of this whole thing! 

Changbin felt himself smile, and once again he was so, so grateful to have Seungmin in his life. Boyfriend or not, Seungmin was his rock. The phrase sounded cheesy, like something that belonged on the wall of a middle-aged white woman's kitchen, but it was still true. There was no other way to describe it. When he didn't know how to move forward, Seungmin was always there, holding out his hand for Changbin to grasp. 

**binniebaby: **ok idk about the thing yet but I'm still giving you a reward when you finish studying

**binniebaby: **I'll be waiting ;)

Without waiting for a response, Changbin threw his phone on the bed and hopped over to his drawers. He opened all of them, top to bottom, rummaging around for— _ those. _

He didn't own any lingerie or anything. But he _ did _have a few special pairs of underwear, ones he only wore when he knew he was going to hook up. The pair he pulled out were a sleek, smooth black material, significantly smaller than what he usually wore. He wiggled out of his current pair— just no-name, faded plaid boxers— and stepped into the new ones, pulling them up snug. He reached inside to situate his junk properly, then turned around to check himself out in his full-length mirror on the back of his closet door. 

They looked _ good. _

He pulled his shirt off, too, exchanging it for a thin white tee. The combination of the black skintight briefs and the loose-fitting, nearly see-through white shirt was hot. It showed off his collarbones nicely— which reminded him—

He dug around in his drawers again, this time plucking out a small black length of leather. 

It was a collar. But not an obvious, over-the-top one— it was just plain black leather, secured in the back with a simple snap. Unless you looked closely, it just seemed almost like a plain choker. 

Changbin fastened it around his neck. He wondered if it was too much— but the sight of himself in the mirror convinced him otherwise.

It was the perfect combination of sexy and easy, like he'd just woken up and decided to throw these things on. Even the choker. 

He messed up his hair a little bit and pouted into the mirror, letting his mouth fall open. _ Hot, _ he thought. _ Hot hot hot. _

Satisfied, he laid back on his bed, reclining against the pillows. Even if he wasn't ready to let Seungmin suck him off, it didn't mean _ he _wasn't ready to do it to Seungmin. In fact, he couldn't fucking wait. 

A knock came at his door. "I'm done," the muffled voice said. "Can I come in?" 

Even through the barrier of the door, Changbin could hear the excitement in Seungmin's voice. He arranged himself prettily on the bed, tugging his shirt down to expose more of his neck, then said, "Come in." A chill of excitement and anticipation ran down his spine. 

When Seungmin opened the door, his jaw dropped. He was frozen in place.

"Well?" Changbin drawled, sliding a finger lazily across his exposed collarbone. "Are you just gonna stand there all day, or—"

Before he could finish Seungmin was on him, lips and teeth clashing together and Seungmin's hands all over Changbin's body. Changbin arched up against him, hard already and not even realizing it, so distracted he was by Seungmin's body on top of his. 

"Fuck," Seungmin breathed in the spaces between their fevered kisses. "You look so hot. This is cruel." He sank his teeth into the sensitive skin of Changbin's neck where it met his ear, and Changbin moaned. 

"Why is it cruel?" he asked, voice shaky. 

Seungmin grinded down against Changbin's thigh, and Changbin could tell his boyfriend was doing it almost unconsciously. Seungmin hissed through his teeth. 

"I've never— _ fuck—" _ he whispered as his hips stuttered— "I've never seen you like this." He clenched his jaw and pulled away, straddling Changbin's thighs. The way his eyes traveled slowly over Changbin's body made Changbin feel like something on display. He loved it; loved how hungrily Seungmin looked at him.

Seungmin's eyes flitted down to Changbin's crotch, and Changbin became suddenly aware that, hey, fuck yes, he was _ actually hard _. But then after the momentary elation came the anxiety— Changbin was worried Seungmin was going to comment on his erection, draw attention to it that Changbin didn't want— but Seungmin just licked his lips and asked, "Are these new?" He put his hands high up on Changbin's muscled thighs, sliding his thumbs underneath the black briefs to stroke Changbin's skin.

Panic gone, Changbin smirked at him. "I have a lot of things you haven't seen yet, Seungmin."

The other boy shuddered visibly, and his eyes were darker than Changbin had ever seen them. Desire surged through Changbin's body, and in one swift motion he pulled Seungmin down to the bed, flipping their positions so now _ he _was the one staring down at Seungmin. 

Locking eyes, Changbin wedged himself between Seungmin's slightly spread legs and bent over, placing light kisses down Seungmin's body. He kissed lower and lower, and Seungmin didn't look away once. His chest was rising and falling with harsh breaths. 

When Changbin reached Seungmin's pants, he didn't stop. He kissed Seungmin's bulge through the fabric, loving the way Seungmin's body jolted at the contact. His mind was already five steps ahead of his body, imagining Seungmin's length filling up his mouth, but he took a deep breath and forced himself to slow down. 

Seungmin noticed and glanced at him, the haze of arousal momentarily interrupted by concern. "Are you okay?" he asked. 

Changbin nodded and gave Seungmin a small smile. "I'm really, _ really _ okay," he said, gently— for lack of a better word— _ petting _ Seungmin's erection through the fabric of his track pants and placing a small kiss on the inside of Seungmin's thigh. "More okay than I've probably ever been in my entire life." He sighed contentedly and pulled at the waistband of Seungmin's pants and boxers, watching as Seungmin's cock got pulled further and further down before finally springing free of the fabric. 

"And I'm going to be even better when I finally get your cock in my mouth."

Seungmin gasped, whether at his dirty words or the shock of Changbin's lips on his skin, Changbin didn't know. Didn't care, really. He was too busy opening himself up to take Seungmin in. 

He didn't tease, didn't give time for Seungmin to prepare. He just took the whole thing all at once, as far down as he could (which was pretty far; _ almost _all the way) until his nose was buried in Seungmin's dark curly hair and he knew it was weird but Changbin inhaled. Deeply. 

He'd never been this close to this part of his boyfriend, and he wanted to savor it. Seungmin smelled slightly musky but mostly and unsurprisingly _ clean, _like the lingering scent of Lever 2000. Changbin knew that Seungmin used it because it reminded him of his home. It was the only soap his mother bought— even as their houses got bigger and their cars became newer, Mrs. Kim never replaced that budget, plain-smelling soap. And Changbin was glad, because sometimes it's nice for things to stay the same. Sometimes it's nice to be on the edge of something new and scary, like getting to the next level with your best-friend-turned-boyfriend, and still smell the same soap you've smelled on his skin for the past twelve years. 

_ "Fuck," _Seungmin hissed, tearing Changbin out of his reverie and bringing him back to the present. The other boy's hands were gripping Changbin's hair, on the edge of too-hard but not quite there yet. "Changbin. Fuck."

Changbin pulled back, letting Seungmin's cock pop out of his mouth and licking a long stripe up the underside. When he reached the skin where Seungmin's cockhead met the shaft, Changbin sharpened his tongue into a point and flicked it back and forth. His thumb rubbed lazily up and down Seungmin's shaft, tracing the slick path his tongue had just licked. 

Seungmin writhed beneath him, his eyes screwed shut and his face contorted into something that could either be pain or pleasure. "Too much?" Changbin asked, pausing his ministrations. 

The other boy's eyes flew open and he shook his head frantically. "No," he panted. "I mean— yes. But in a good way. Fuck, Changbin, I— fuck."

Changbin giggled against the skin of Seungmin's cockhead before swirling his tongue around it. "You have such a dirty mouth when you're turned on, Minnie." He sucked the tip inside his mouth, keeping his lips tightly sealed and moving his tongue against it. 

"You just— _ hhhh— _ I can't even think straight, Changbin. _ God, _do that again—"

It wasn't long before Changbin had Seungmin stuttering and gasping for breath, the words coming out of his mouth nothing more than unintelligible babble. Changbin's fingers gripped so hard at his boyfriend's thighs they would probably leave bruises as he tried to keep Seungmin still. When the other boy suddenly froze and went tense all over, Changbin knew he was close. 

He was ready. He took Seungmin far into his mouth, ready to swallow the hot, thick load he knew was coming. He worked his throat, cheeks hollow, and then—

Seungmin pulled away. 

Or rather, he pulled _ Changbin _away. Seungmin's hands tugged at Changbin's hair, pulling Changbin's head away from his crotch. 

"Wh—" Changbin started to ask, but then Seungmin was sitting up, arms wrapping around Changbin and pulling him into a messy, heated kiss. 

"Please," Seungmin begged. "Changbin, please."

He didn't have to say what he was begging for. They both knew. And… Changbin was glad. 

If Seungmin had asked him like usual— cautious and careful and soft— Changbin would have said no. He would have said it over and over, stuck in that never-ending loop of self-doubt and fear.

But like this… with Seungmin clutching at him, kissing him needily and _ begging _ him like that— 

"Okay," Changbin breathed. 

Everything that happened next was a blur of newness. The scene was familiar, but everything was happening in reverse. Now Changbin was the one being pushed gently onto his back; now Changbin was the one closing his eyes as hands traveled over his skin and— _ holy fuck. _

Getting your dick sucked felt really, _ really _good. 

Seungmin's mouth was— how could Changbin even describe it? It wasn't tight like his hand, but it was hot and wet and surrounded him completely. Changbin had the fleeting thought that his hand would never be enough, now, not after knowing how it felt to be _ inside _ of someone else. 

And then Seungmin was tugging on his hand, guiding him to the side of the bed until Changbin was sitting at the edge, his feet planted on the floor. Seungmin slid off the bed and rested on his knees in front of Changbin, looking up.

"I always wanted to do it like this," Seungmin admitted shyly. "On my knees. So I can see your face."

"I love you," Changbin gasped in response as Seungmin took him in his mouth again. Seeing Seungmin's round, pretty eyes staring up at him as Seungmin's mouth was stretched around Changbin's cock was— _ unreal. _

He was so overloaded by all of this new stimulation that he didn't even think to worry about staying hard, and before he knew it, he felt his orgasm building. "Seungmin," he gasped, heat spreading all through his body. "I— I think I'm gonna— come—"

Seungmin made a strangled noise, but Changbin barely registered it. He was seeing stars, barely able to keep himself sitting up, arms and legs trembling as he panted and just let the feeling build. 

There was a moment of panic right before he came, realizing he was still buried hilt-deep Seungmin's mouth instead of pulling out— but it was too late, he was spilling inside of Seungmin's mouth, doubled over with his hands fisted in Seungmin's hair. 

"S...sorry—" he panted when he could speak again. Slowly, he straightened up, finally looking down at Seungmin. What he saw surprised him.

Seungmin was still on his knees— and there was a puddle of come on the floor between his legs. Changbin's eyes widened.

"You—"

"Yeah," Seungmin said breathlessly. "When you said you were coming, it just— happened." He licked his lips, catching a bit of Changbin's come that he hadn't managed to swallow. "You taste so good." 

Seungmin climbed back onto the bed, and Changbin scooted back to lay down beside him. They lay facing each other, chests heaving, just looking into each other's eyes. After a moment, Seungmin smiled. 

"Amazing," he said. 

"Amazing," Changbin echoed quietly. He smiled back, and suddenly laughter bubbled out of him. 

"I never… I never thought that would ever happen," he said. "This sounds lame, but you just changed my life. With a blowjob."

"I was that good, huh?" Seungmin said cheekily. 

Changbin swatted at him. "I mean. Yeah. You were." He kissed Seungmin on the nose, just a silly little expression of affection, but then Seungmin caught him before he could pull away and they were kissing for real. A kiss that said so many things— _ thank you, _ and _ I love you, _ and _ I can't believe this is real _. The kiss deepened, and Changbin fumbled closer, feeling for Seungmin's cock. "Do you wanna go again?" he mumbled into the kiss. 

To his surprise, Seungmin smiled against his lips and pulled Changbin's hand away, clasping their hands together instead. "Not this time," he said. "I wanna just… take all this in."

Changbin hummed and burrowed himself against Seungmin's chest, wiggling impatiently until Seungmin chuckled and wrapped his arms around Changbin. 

"Next time, _ I _ get to finish _ you," C _hangbin mumbled into Seungmin's chest, the slightest whine audible in his voice. 

"Anything you want, baby."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It only took them three weeks to run out of laundry passes after that. If Hyunjin and Jeongin noticed, they decided not to say anything about it, and aside from the increased frequency of ruined sheets, life in their apartment went on quite uninterrupted.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**meadow bros**

_ 19:04 _

**Seungmin** _ : _hey guys. what is everyone doing the last week of April? 

**Jeongin** _ : _not studying

**Jeongin** _ : _that's all i know

**Hyunjin** _ : _aren't finals like two weeks after that?

**Seungmin** _ : _yeah, they're mid-May

**Hyunjin**: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Hyunjin**: nothin I guess. my classes aren't that hard this sem

**Jeongin**: uh you're a design major, when are your classes ever hard

**Hyunjin**: oh oops I locked the door by accident

**Hyunjin**: have fun sleeping on the COUCH

**Jeongin**: ???? ok good luck falling asleep by yourself, you baby

**Jeongin**: the nightlight broke rmbr

**Hyunjin**: …. Jeongin, sweetheart, my favorite person, my door is always open for u

**Jeongin**: *OUR door

Changbin watched the chat with a fond smile on his face, glancing up from his textbook every few paragraphs. He liked to watch them talk, even when he didn't feel like joining in.

**Seungmin**: yeah uh okay ANYWAY

**Seungmin**: my friend from Australia wants to come visit! I just wanted to check and make sure it's okay with everyone. he's thinking of coming for like a week.

Changbin's smile vanished instantly.

**Hyunjin**: OMG your aussie bffs?!????

**Hyunjin**: THATS SO COOL 

**Hyunjin**: IM SO DOWN

**Seungmin**: just one of them! Chan

**Seungmin**: Felix has summer classes so he can't come :(

**Jeongin**: wow I'm so happy for u! that's awesome

**Jeongin**: I'm ok w it!

**Hyunjin**: does he need a bed? I can squeeze in with innie

**Jeongin**: excuse me

**Seungmin**: hahaha no he can share with me! he's pretty small actually. he just acts big

**Seungmin**: binnie? do those dates work ok? 

Changbin stared down at his phone. No? Absolutely fucking not? 

He couldn't believe Seungmin told him over their fucking _ group chat. _Coward. More names ran through Changbin's head, each one more vicious than the last, as his vision clouded with anger and jealousy pulsed through his veins. 

**Changbin**: ye

Even to Changbin's own eyes, the message looked sharp and prickly. Barbed. He was embarrassed of it, but he didn't take it back. 

As he was sitting there, staring at his phone and highly considering chucking it at the wall, a new text notification popped up, this time a private message from Seungmin. 

_ 19:09 _

**Seungmin**: hey are you okay?

**Seungmin**: that didn't sound okay

_ 19:13 _

**Changbin**: I mean

**Changbin**: what do you want me to say

**Seungmin**: the truth??? 

**Seungmin**: you can tell me

**Seungmin**: can I come over?

**Changbin**: sorry I'd just. rather not rn

When no reply came, Changbin couldn't keep his fingers off the keys. He didn't mean to let it all spill out, but that was his bad habit. When something built up inside of him, he was powerless to keep it to himself. Even if it started a fight. 

_ 19:17 _

**Changbin**: I just

**Changbin**: he's gonna be sleeping in your /bed/? And you tell me over text???? 

_ 19:20 _

**Seungmin**: he's my friend, Changbin. Just like Hyunjin or Jeongin. I've shared beds with them plenty of times, and you've never been upset? I don't get it

**Changbin**: i mean a few months ago I was just your friend too 

**Changbin**: and like I've never met him? and you've called him hot before. remember when you first got there? I was even egging you on to date him

**Changbin**: like I trust you. and I know you wouldn't DO anything. but like think about how you would feel if I shared a bed with some guy you've never met before 

**Changbin**: like why couldn't you just share my bed instead and he can stay by himself 

If Changbin were honest with himself, it wasn't _ just _ about the bed sharing. That was the _ worst _ part, sure, but it wasn't the _ only _ part. 

He just… didn't like Chan. Or Felix. Not because of anything they'd done, but just because they had something he didn't. They had been a huge part of Seungmin's life for a whole year— basically replacing Changbin as Seungmin's best friend— and if Changbin were a better person he would be happy to meet them, but he wasn't. He wasn't a better person, and he was fucking jealous. 

It was bad enough when Seungmin video called them. But at least they were still stuck on the other side of the world, and Changbin was the one actually by Seungmin's side.

Not anymore.

_ 19:29 _

**Seungmin**: that would work. I wish you would have just brought it up like that in the beginning though, without getting mad at me first :(

**Changbin**: I know… 

**Changbin**: sorry 

A few minutes later, there was a knock on his door. He didn't want to open it. He knew who would be on the other side, and he didn't want to be comforted. Not yet. 

But he couldn't just let Seungmin stand there forever. So he opened the door, and as soon as Seungmin's arms closed tight around him, all of his anger melted away.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Try to behave, okay?" Seungmin said, squeezing Changbin's shoulder. "For me?"

They were at the airport again, all four of them standing close and rubbing their hands together to ward off the late-April chill. Today had broken the record for the coldest day in April in the past ten years, and they were all underdressed.

"Chan is gonna die when he gets off the plane," Hyunjin mumbled. "Poor kid."

"Kid? He's three years older than you!" Jeongin dug an elbow into Hyunjin's ribs. 

"Poor kid," Hyunjin repeated dramatically, shaking his body in a silly little dance. They all laughed, even Jeongin (albeit in the most exasperated tone). "I can't wait to meet him."

"Don't mob him when he gets here, okay?" Seungmin sounded stressed, but excited. A common state of being for the dandy boy when he was with his three chaotic best friends. "He's not used to— Chan!"

Changbin's hand was suddenly empty as Seungmin slipped out of his grasp to throw his arms around the short (but not as short as Changbin), stocky young man that had just rounded the corner. Chan's hair was a tangle of bleached-blonde curls, and even though it was chilly he wore a sleeveless shirt and shorts. All black. 

"Seungmin!" Chan exclaimed, receiving Seungmin's hug with an excitement level to match. They were a tangle of limbs, laughing and clasping each other and smiling, and as Changbin watched them he fought to quell the jealousy building in his gut. _ He just got here, _ Changbin scolded himself. _ At least get through ten minutes without being a prick. _

He cleared his throat. "Welcome to California," he said in what he hoped was a warm and welcoming tone. Then he squinted. "Aren't you cold?"

Chan laughed, and Changbin had to force himself not to think it was cute. "Changbin! It's so good to finally meet you!" He disentangled himself from Seungmin's grasp and wrapped Changbin in a tight hug. His body felt muscular and strong, with no hint of softness, and yet the hug was still somehow tender. Chan squeezed him tightly before letting go. "I'm not cold. I love this kind of weather."

As if on cue, Hyunjin and Jeongin jumped into the conversation, chattering excitedly and easily grabbing Chan's attention. Changbin stepped back, clinging tightly to Seungmin.

"He's shorter than I thought," Changbin said with a hint of glee. Seungmin rolled his eyes and let Changbin thread his arm through Seungmin's own. 

"You two would really get along, I'm telling you," Seungmin said. "Give him a chance, okay?"

“Fine,” Changbin grumbled. “For you.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He tried. He really did.

Sometimes it was actually easy— usually when Seungmin wasn’t around. As much as Changbin didn’t want to admit it, Chan was actually a _ really _ likeable person. The kind of person Changbin would probably fall for, actually, if the circomestances were different. His smile was charmingly lopsided, and he had this high-pitched laugh that slipped out when Changbin really wasn’t expecting it. 

But then Seungmin would walk into the room, and that’s when everything just fell apart. The two of them— Seungmin and Chan— just had such _ compatible _ energy, it made Changbin bristle everywhere it was possible to bristle. 

He hated when they finished each other’s sentences. Hated it even more when Chan just _ looked _ at Seungmin at certain points in the conversation and Seungmin burst out laughing; some inside joke that Changbin wasn’t privy to. But more than anything, he hated listening to them reminisce about Australia. 

Look, he got it. They shared a whole year together, and it was important to both of them. But it was a year that Changbin had lost, and he just didn't want to be reminded of it every second.

“Oh my _ god, _you’re right!” Seungmin’s nasally voice— the one he only used when he was too excited to control it— rang out from the other side of the couch. “I totally forgot that happened.”

Chan, who was sitting in the middle, laughed with him, leaning into Seungmin comfortably. “I can’t believe you forgot,” he cackled. “Lixie was _ so _ embarrassed. Mortified.”

“Maybe I forgot on purpose then.” Seungmin’s eyes crinkled as he beamed at Chan.

“You would.” Chan pulled Seungmin close, rocking the other boy from side to side and making little noises like a puppy playing with its favorite toy. Suddenly he stopped, but he didn’t let go of Seungmin. 

“We miss you a lot, Minnie.”

The room went quiet. Even Hyunjin and Jeongin, cuddled up together in the oversized armchair, stopped their chattering in the weight of the moment. 

Seungmin looked flustered. “I—” He gulped, and moments later, Changbin heard sniffles. “Not fair, Channie,” Seungmin said in a small, uneven voice. “Don’t make me cry.”

“Sweetheart,” Chan mumbled, and that was it. That was _ fucking _ it. 

Changbin got up. Not gently, not quietly. He sprung to his feet like the couch physically repelled him, and he couldn’t stand being connected to it for another second.

He knew everyone was staring at him. He knew he was about to make a scene. But now, just like always— just like _ fucking _ always— he couldn’t stop himself. Without even a second glance, he stormed out of the living room, stomped down the hallway, and when he finally reached his room he slammed the door shut.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Seo Changbin, you open this door _ right _ now.”

Seungmin’s hiss was clear even through the closed door, and Changbin’s heart thumped. He regretted everything. But what could he do? It was done, and he couldn’t take it back.

“No,” he said, his voice coming out much more pouty than he wanted it to.

_ "No?!" _ Seungmin repeated incredulously. "I swear to God, Binnie, you have been an absolute dick this week and we are _ not _spending another second in this house together without fucking talking about it!"

Changbin slumped against his side of the door and sighed. Seungmin was right. Seungmin was _ always _right. That was one of the things Changbin liked best about him— Seungmin was always capable, always knew just what to do. 

He didn't want to face that person now. But what could he do? Every action has consequences. He couldn't ignore his forever. 

With a gulp, he popped the twist lock and backed away. 

Seungmin burst into the room immediately, a blur of ashy hair and angry eyes, his hands thrown up in the air, and for a moment Changbin was afraid. Not afraid _ of _ Seungmin— he knew his boyfriend would never, ever hurt him— but afraid that he had caused some real, irrevocable damage to their relationship. The possibility had literally never crossed his mind before. Now, though, he suddenly wished he could take everything back. All of his pouting and sulking, it seemed so childish and trivial now and he would do anything to undo it. 

"I'm sor—" he started, but before he could even get the word out of his mouth, Seungmin was in his face. 

"What is _ wrong _ with you?" Seungmin spat. "All you've done this week is make it _ very _ clear you don't want Chan here. And I have been tolerating it as best I can, because I _ know _ you're insecure about him for some reason, but that just now was _ ridiculous!" _

"I—" Changbin wanted to get words out, but he couldn't think with Seungmin looking at him like that. Like Seungmin _ hated _him. Unwittingly, Changbin felt tears prick at his eyes, and he pawed at them angrily. He hated when this happened— when he couldn't control all of the emotions surfacing inside of him, and his body responded by trying to just drown everything in tears. 

Seungmin's eyes softened for a moment at Changbin's sniffling, but his face hardened again quickly. "You can't just cry your way out of this," he huffed. 

"I'm not trying to," Changbin mumbled, still palming the tears away. 

Seungmin blew air out through his nose and crossed his arms across his chest, and Changbin knew he was trying not to shout. When they were children, Seungmin tended to lash out whenever he was angry or annoyed. He'd learned to keep his mouth shut as he got older, but Changbin could always tell when he was holding something back. 

"I… I know I'm being an ass," he started. Seungmin rolled his eyes, and Changbin sat down on the edge of his bed, putting his face in his hands. After a deep breath, he went on. "I just… I'm—" Could he say it? He didn't want to admit it, not even to himself. But… 

"I'm jealous."

Seungmin fell heavily next to him, just far apart enough to be uncomfortable after how used they'd gotten to cuddling. "Jealous? _ Why?" _

"Because! You two are so— so _ close." _

"I'm no closer to Chan than I am to Hyunjin or Jeongin though? Changbin, I don't get it."

Changbin exhaled in frustration. "You don't understand, Minnie! You— you _ left _ me. And I'm not _ mad _ about it, I'm happy that you got to go to Australia. But it's like— I felt abandoned. Stuck here in our old life, but _ without _ you. While you went and— and made new friends, and had fun, _ without me." _

His heart was beating like crazy in his chest, and he felt uncomfortably sweaty. He couldn't believe he just said all that. It was how he felt, but— even Changbin himself knew his feelings were irrational. It was hard to admit to himself, let alone his boyfriend.

"Changbin, that's not fair," Seungmin said heavily. "I know you were lonely, but it's not fair to take it out on Chan."

Changbin stared at Seungmin, mouth open. "Seriously? I confess some of my most personal feelings to you, and all you can think about is _ Chan?!" _

The bed creaked as Seungmin twisted towards him. There was more anger in his eyes than Changbin had ever seen, and a jolt of… _ something _ran through Changbin's body. He gulped and just stared into Seungmin's eyes, waiting. 

After a tense second, Seungmin gripped Changbin by the shoulders. "Changbin Seo, I love _ you. _Nobody else. How can I make you believe me?"

Changbin gulped, and confusion crossed Seungmin's face. He'd noticed how flushed Changbin had become, and his eyes flitted down between them. 

"Oh my god, are you—?"

Embarrassed— but only a little— Changbin cast his eyes down. "Sorry—" he started, but then the world flipped upside down.

In one fluid motion, Seungmin had pushed Changbin back on to the bed, pinning Changbin down with his body. "Do you like it when I'm mad?" he breathed.

Electricity ran down Changbin's spine, and his already hard cock strained even more against his pants. It's not like he had a thing for angry sex— not _ really. _ It was just… he knew he was stronger than Seungmin physically, but when the other boy was angry, Changbin felt like the tables were momentarily turned. And something about that was just really, _ really _ hot. 

"Maybe," Changbin answered in a huff, not content to admit it all the way. And yet his arms reached up to encircle Seungmin's neck, pulling him down closer.

He felt Seungmin's cock begin to fill out, pressed against Changbin's upper thigh. With a slight adjustment by Seungmin's hand their erections touched through the fabric, and Changbin grinded up against his boyfriend. They both moaned, and Seungmin dipped his head down to Changbin's neck, latching on while he returned Changbin's thrusts. 

For the first time ever, Changbin wasn't worried. He didn't have that anxiety in the back of his mind; the constant fear that he would go soft. His body was just full of adrenaline and lust. 

"Show me," Changbin whispered. "Show me I'm yours."

Seungmin paused and pulled back, looking Changbin in the eyes. "Do you mean—?"

Changbin urged him back down, wrapping his legs around Seungmin's ass to draw him in even further. "Please." His eyes fluttered open. "Want it."

"Fuck, Changbin," Seungmin moaned. He pressed down hard against Changbin's body, grinding their cocks together. "Fuck. Can I?"

In response, Changbin wiggled out from under Seungmin's body. He stretched his arm out and fumbled around blindly in his bedside drawer, until his fingers grasped what he was looking for. He tossed it at Seungmin— a small bottle of lube with an anchor label half-peeling off the front, and a single foil packet. 

His boyfriend stared down at them like he'd never seen a condom before, and Changbin snorted. What had started out as a heated, spur-of-the-moment power scenario had turned into their familiar, slightly awkward dynamic. And Changbin really wouldn't have it any other way. There was plenty of time in the future to explore that _ other _ side of their relationship. Before the other boy's pants were even all the way off, Changbin had the foil packet open. "Come here."

He rolled the condom down on Seungmin's shaft without a problem, and hid a smile when Seungmin shivered at his touch. He'd never had sex before, but he always used condoms when he went down on his more questionable hookups. This much, at least, he could do.

He laid back against his pillows, pulling Seungmin down with him and pressing the bottle of lube into Seungmin's hand. "Get me ready?" he asked, hopeful. Seungmin had only fingered him a few times, and even though Changbin had thoroughly enjoyed it, Seungmin still got nervous every time. 

He didn't have to worry, though. Seungmin grabbed the lube from him immediately, and spread Changbin's legs open with a soft touch. Almost confidently, Seungmin slicked the fingers of his right hand up. Changbin shivered in anticipation. He loved having Seungmin inside of him— his boyfriend's fingers were long and thick-knuckled, and he especially loved the feeling of those knuckles after they'd been sucked inside of him. He imagined Seungmin's cock would feel even better. 

The first one always burned a little, but Changbin squeezed his eyes shut and breathed through the pain. He wrapped his fingers loosely around his cock, which had softened a little while he waited for Seungmin to lube up. It looked chubby and slick in his hand. He liked it— the image _ and _ the way it felt, comforting almost— and left his hand there while Seungmin worked him open. 

"Uh, how do I know when—?"

Changbin's eyes fluttered open. He hadn't realized he'd closed them. "I don't know," he admitted with a breathy laugh. "I've never really…" 

"Oh."

And then their eyes met, and neither one of them could stop the smiles from spreading across their faces. "I can't believe we're doing this," Seungmin said. "Everyone is literally right outside the door." His eyebrows knit together and he squinted, thinking. "Wait, wasn't I mad at you?"

"Be mad at me later," Changbin said, and pulled Seungmin's hands away from between his thighs. "Fuck me now."

"Okay," Seungmin breathed, so easily suggestable, falling forward to cage Changbin in with his arms. He looked down and reached a hand between them to adjust himself, and when Changbin felt Seungmin's tip graze against his entrance he gasped. 

"Now," he begged.

All he saw was Seungmin's hair in his face as Seungmin looked down between them, attention focused on what was happening between their legs. Changbin wanted Seungmin to look at him, but he knew Seungmin needed to control this. Needed to make sure he was doing it right. 

And— _ fuck. _

_ "Seungmin—" _ he gasped. Seungmin was _ inside, _finally, and Changbin felt like his body was being split open and held that way. There was no forgiving dip in size like with fingers— he was open, burning, body on fire—

"Are you okay?" Seungmin managed to gasp, his voice all choked and his arms trembling. "Fuck, Changbin, I— you— I can't…"

"M okay," Changbin grunted. He knew it didn't sound pretty but fuck, his head was spinning and his body couldn't decide if it was overwhelmed by pleasure or pain. Or both. "Move," he whimpered. "Please." He just needed something to _ change, _for that insistent pressure inside of him to just do something other than hold him open. He was tense, too tense, he knew he needed to relax, but—

Seungmin started moving and Changbin's body screamed. Or maybe _ he _ screamed, he wasn't sure— wasn't sure because suddenly the uncomfortable pressure of Seungmin's cock inside of him buried even further inside, and of _ course _Seungmin managed to hit his prostate on the very first thrust.

"Was that—?" 

Seungmin was looking down at him now, mouth open in surprise. Maybe Changbin _ had _screamed out loud. 

"Yes. Shut up," Changbin mumbled, embarrassed. 

Seungmin just let out a strangled noise and dropped his head to meet Changbin's, capturing his lips in a possessive kiss. He didn't pull away as he started moving again, and within seconds they were moaning into each other's mouths between kisses, both unwilling to break apart. 

It was hard to describe what it felt like, to be fucked. The burn was still there, but now it just added to the pleasure he felt— not just where Seungmin was pushing into him, but throughout his whole _ body. _ It felt icy-hot, just on the edge of too much, and every time Seungmin's cock grazed Changbin's prostate he couldn't help but yelp. That's the only way he could describe the sounds— little, sharp noises that were literally being _ pushed _ out of him, way beyond his control. 

"Changbin," Seungmin moaned. His pace was mostly steady, but every now and then his hips bucked out of time, like he couldn't fully control himself. "I— _ hhhng, _I can't— last very long—"

Changbin wanted to answer, but he couldn't. He felt his orgasm building in the pit of his belly, and while he usually went from buildup to coming to about four or five seconds, this time he felt like the pleasure was a giant wave, one that just kept building higher and higher until he was caught in the tide and couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't think— dimly he felt friction on his cock, the feeling small and quick compared to the giant wave of pleasure he was riding, but the two feelings combined to send him over the edge. 

With a high, keening moan, his body seized up and he clenched his muscles tight around Seungmin inside of him and then he was _ coming. _It lasted forever, and the sound coming out of his mouth pitched higher and higher until Seungmin covered it with a frantic hand pressed to Changbin's lips. Changbin couldn't stop himself even then, and only relaxed when his chest and stomach were painted with seed and his muscles were twitching with little aftershocks. 

Seungmin stared down at him, slack-jawed and wide-eyed. Changbin couldn't read the expression through his post-orgasm haze, and weakly reached up to caress Seungmin's cheek. He couldn't say anything— his brain could barely process what was happening, much less form words— but he just held Seungmin's gaze, overcome with love and warmth and faded lust. He hoped Seungmin could read all that in his eyes. 

The touch seemed to bring Seungmin back to reality, and he let out a loud gasp. Changbin's hand fell to the bed as Seungmin pulled back, frantic, and Changbin felt Seungmin's length slip out of him. He whimpered, both from sensitivity and from the sense of emptiness. It felt wrong, now, after his body had gotten used to being filled. 

"C-Changbin—" 

Seungmin had pulled the condom off and was fisting himself frantically now, staring down intensely at Changbin's come-streaked body. It only took a few strokes until Seungmin came, too, his release mixing with the come already covering Changbin's body. The other boy stayed like that for a moment— cock in hand, looking down at Changbin with heavy-lidded eyes— and then he flopped down beside Changbin on the bed. 

His fingers found Changbin's, and they linked hands. Both of them were panting. The room sounded suddenly deafeningly quiet against the harsh noises of their breath. 

Seungmin turned his head slightly so they could look at each other. He was smiling.

"You're beautiful," he said. 

Changbin felt himself blush. He wanted to scowl at his boyfriend, but he couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face instead. "Shut up," he whined. 

"You _ are. _When I looked at you, and you were just laying there, panting and covered in come— I can't believe you're real, Changbin."

Changbin felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes. "If you make me cry after our first time, I swear to god I will never forgive you." He squeezed Seungmin's hand to show he didn't mean it. 

The bed groaned as Seungmin shifted, raising himself up on his elbows and twisting around so he was looking down at Changbin again. He gently thumbed the single tear that had slipped out of Changbin's eye, and with the softest smile Changbin had ever seen, he leaned down and kissed where the tear had been. 

"No crying," Seungmin said softly. His thumb caressed Changbin's cheek. 

Of course, that just made Changbin cry more.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When they emerged into the living room again twenty minutes later, every single head turned to stare at them.

Changbin's cheeks were blazing as he cleared his throat and beelined for the couch, leaving Seungmin standing in the hallway. He sank onto the upholstered cushion, the room still absolutely silent. When he couldn't stand it any longer, he finally raised his head and looked over the room. "Hi," he said dumbly.

"Hi," Chan replied with an amused smile. He raised his eyebrow. "Feeling… better?"

Hyunjin and Jeongin burst out laughing and Changbin heard Seungmin sputter behind him. His cheeks colored even more, but he just nodded. "Yup."

Even Chan couldn't keep the laughter in then, and before long all of them were howling. Even Seungmin had gotten over his mortification and was giggling. 

"I can't believe you made us listen to that!" Hyunjin screeched. 

"I thought you said you _ weren't _fucking!" Jeongin yelled almost at the same time. 

"We _ weren't," _Seungmin said indignantly.

"Until just now," Changbin chimed in, earning a glare from Seungmin and more laughter from the rest of them. 

When the laughter died down, Changbin turned to Chan and held out his hand. "Uh. I want to apologize. I was totally jealous of you and I've been mean to you all week because of it." His eyes flitted to Seungmin and he grinned. "But Minnie has _ thoroughly _ convinced me that I don't need to be jealous anymore. So, um... sorry."

Chan didn't hesitate. He took Changbin's proferred hand and shook it, strong and confident. His touch was warm. "Apology accepted," he said. _ "Although— _is this a bad time to admit I had a crush on Seungmin when I first saw him?"

_ "What?!" _Seungmin and Changbin exclaimed at the same time. 

"Well, it was winter, right? And—"

Chan went on to tell the story of Seungmin's first few weeks on campus. And this time, Changbin felt no trace of jealousy. He sat and listened with the rest of them, hanging on to Chan's every word, and when Seungmin came to sit on his lap they laced their fingers together and Changbin's heart beat just a little bit faster.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Over the next few days, Changbin realized just how good of a person Chan was. By the time the Australian left, Changbin felt like they had been friends already for a long, long time. 

And after that week, everything in the apartment was different. There were no longer any hidden feelings between the four of them— and one day, Changbin came home to an interesting sight. 

Jeongin was moving all of his stuff out of Hyunjin's room. There was already a large pile in the hallway, and Jeongin was sweating. It looked like he'd been at it for hours.

Changbin rushed towards him, concerned. "Innie? What's wrong? Did you two have a fight?"

Jeongin grinned. "You could call it that."

"What?" His answer didn't make sense. If they fought, why was Jeongin smiling?

"Well, there was definitely yelling involved. And a little crying. But—"

"They're dating," a tired voice chimed in. Changbin spun around to see Seungmin, hair pushed back with a headband, a basket of laundry in his hands. "Fucking _ finally." _

"Look, we just had a _ slow burn _ romance, okay?" 

Seungmin snorted. "You read too much fanfic."

"Wait." Changbin was still confused. "If you're dating, why are you moving all your stuff out?"

"We're switching," Seungmin said. "It's weird for them to be roommates if they're dating, don't you think?" 

"Oh. I guess that makes sense."

"Plus," Jeongin said cheekily, "this way each couple still has someone with a single room. You know. For f—"

"Yup! Okay! Wow, thanks, got it!" Changbin said, trying to push the image of his two best friends fucking out of his mind. 

Jeongin snorted. "Look, I had to listen to you scream your way through your first time. That gives me a _ lifetime _ pass to scar you back."

"You little—"

Jeongin screeched as Changbin lunged for him, and they ended up racing through the apartment until Changbin finally tackled Jeongin to the couch. The younger boy screamed as Changbin tickled him, and eventually Hyunjin came to Jeongin's rescue, whisking him away to the half-empty bedroom. 

Out of breath, Changbin slumped back against the back of the couch. It dipped slightly as someone sat next to him.

Seungmin.

Without any words, Changbin curled into Seungmin's side. It was natural for them now, to be together like this. Seungmin stroked his hair.

"Did you ever think we would be here?" Seungmin asked softly. "A year ago, did you ever picture us all ending up like this?"

Changbin hummed. "Them? Maybe. You and I? Never in a million years."

"Me neither," Seungmin said, but the words were heavy. In those two little words Changbin heard years and years of one-sided feelings, and his heart ached. 

But only for a moment. Because no matter what had happened before— Seungmin's hidden feelings, Changbin's hookups, their arguments and uncertainties— everything had brought them _ here. _Together.

"I'm happy, though," Changbin whispered.

"Hmm?"

"I didn't think we would be here. But I'm glad we are."

There was silence for a while. Their familiar living room seemed still; frozen in time. But then Seungmin spoke, and the spell was broken.

"Me, too."

**Author's Note:**

> hey! I hope you enjoyed this. 
> 
> personal note: I want to talk about sex for a second! I don't know about your sex life, personally, but experiences like this are a lot more common than people think, where someone has some kind of insecurity. 
> 
> you have to be your own sexual advocate! speak up, communicate, and hopefully situations where either party feels uncomfortable can be avoided. Be Seungmin! Be supportive! Make your partner feel good about themselves!
> 
> thanks for reading! comments make me wanna write more, so please leave one if you liked it 🖤


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